NBA Eastern Conference Progress Report:
The NBA season has been chugging along now for a month and
it’s already been a fascinating year for both good and bad reasons. Here is a quick progress report on how each
team in the Eastern Conference is doing through the biased lens of a Knicks
fan:
Pacers – They are just making it all the more depressing for
their loyal fans when they lose to the Heat in the conference finals. But for right now, way to make those Hoosiers
proud!
Miami Heat – Let the peasants have their petty, November wins. As far as the Heat is concerned, this is
preseason basketball until they lose their first game in the playoffs. Then the season has started.
Atlanta Hawks – No matter who suits up for the Hawks, this
team is always consistently a little better than average. If you replaced all the players on the Hawks
with their life sized cutout, they’d still post a 45 win season and lose a 6 game
series in the first round. It’s getting
a bit creepy.
Toronto Raptors – The wins seem right, but the high
seeding? These Raptors are hoping that
they never wake from this glorious dream.
Charlotte Bobcats – Al Jefferson means that this team will
wait 6 more games before the bottom falls out and they go on another historic
streak of futility. Then bring on the
return of MJ for a game!
Chicago Bulls – Lyrics every Chicagoan is singing to Derrick
Rose at the moment: “Why do you build me up, Buttercup, baby just to bring me
down…” For now, let’s just enjoy watching the Bulls play some of the grittiest,
ugliest, goddamn basketball in the league.
Detroit Pistons – In the West with this record, this team
would be looking towards next year. In
the East, they are fighting for home-court in the first round. Another win for geography!
Philadelphia 76ers – They may have 3-5 games left in them
before every decent player suddenly succumbs to a season ending affliction known
as tankitis.
Washington Wizards – I have no idea about this team. They just seem to be there hanging round,
loitering like a bunch of hoodlums. This
neighborhood’s going straight to the gutter.
The gutter, I tell ya!
Boston Celtics – They are savoring every moment they are
better than the Knicks and the Brooklyn Celtics/Nets. This may be the happiest 6-10 in the league.
Orlando Magic – Have settled into their identity of being a
bad team. It fits them well. Almost too well...
Cleveland Cavaliers – They still suck and seem content on
sucking. What gives? And where’s that swashbuckling attitude that
I associate with cavaliers? Another way
Dan Gilbert is killing this franchise.
New York Knicks – Terrible, just terrible. I haven’t contorted my face in such utter
disgust in a long while. They’re not
even competitive in half these games.
The fan base is just waiting for James Dolan to make this catastrophic season
worse.
Brooklyn Nets – BROOOOOOKLYN! BROOOOKLYN!
As a Knicks fan I love it, but as an unbiased basketball fan I love it
as well. Brooklyn seems well on its way
to becoming an even worse version of last year’s Lakers.
Milwaukee Bucks – They are 2 and 11 and yet only 3.5 games
out of the 8th seed. If this
team was in the West, they would have been disbanded and sold for spare
parts. Milwaukee lives to play another
game and lose it!
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