Unrequited Tinder Love

Tinder has achieved a notoriety because it digitizes the bar scene experience (or so I like to believe).  Anyway a benefit to tinder is the passivity of the rejection.  Rather than a mean look or snide comment, rejection on here comes with delightful silence.  Your green speech bubble hangs out there waiting for a lifeline.  Below I would like to share for you some of my unrequited tinder love moments and perhaps we can discuss why they were left out in the cold to freeze.

Tinder 1:

 I like your black outfit

1 minute later: How’s it going

14 minutes later: Probably not my best opener…

3 days later: Or was it???

Analysis:  She was a bitch.  Also maybe too vague and boring?  Nah, I’ll put this one on her. 

Tinder 2: 

Michigan!!!

1 minute later: Or I assume based on the facepaint

10 minutes later: Or rather how’s it going? Lol

Analysis:  Again, she was a bitch.  Also never write lol.  But I’ll put the blame more on her.

Tinder 3:

I guess you and that possum are even

1 day later: Or not

5 days later: Im so honored to have matched with a famous person!

Analysis: Another bitch, I mean what are the odds that every girl that does not return my advances would be a bitch?  Crazy right?  Or maybe it was because she was over 50 miles away.  But again I can’t put all the blame on myself; this is no time for self-pity!  So I’ll settle on the first option.

Tinder 4:

You take a nice askew photo.

26 days later: Your nonaskew photos are also very nice.

34 days later: Or whatever you know

Analysis:  I’ll put the blame squarely on me for this one.  You just can’t form a relationship by sending a message every month.  And of course, I suppose she was a bitch because well I have a recurring punchline going that needs answering,

Tinder 5:

Whale skulls and sunflowers.  Could be an interesting band name.

Analysis: Sounds like a good band name  - for a bitch (the bite is back)!

Tinder 6:

Haha you wouldn’t happen to be a playboy bunny in that last pic would you?  I swear I have that same costume somewhere…

Analysis:  Perhaps I’m not as funny as I think I am.  No, that can’t be.  It’s the tinderettes that are wrong.

Tinder 7:

Sydney eh?? Enjoying life in NYC so far??

13 hours later: I’ll take that as a yes!

Analysis:  Who wouldn’t have a good time in New York, surely I can’t and I will not blame her for not responding.  Also not going to call her a bitch, I’ve moved past that (plus that bit was getting played out am I right).

So there it goes, my unrequited loves are up for all to see.  Enjoy and give me your thoughts and let’s work this out together while I’m in the reflective mood.  Or you could just not respond.  How apropos would that be?