Task: The art of
criticism can be a beautiful one and below are excerpts from four lovely reviews. Match the reviews to the event they describe
(this may be inspired by my recent trips to the website Clickhole.com…)
1)
It was a feathery affair filled with great
calamity and an overwrought picturesque finish.
If asked to endure anything of that caliber again I would check my
antique bronzed pocket watch to make sure the little hand hasn’t moved too far
into the domain of the 4. Overall the
experience is not one to be missed, provided of course one has the time.
2)
A devilishly trite affair perfectly complemented
the stupendous conclusion of prolonged ambivalence. Too often today does cold, calculating modernity
win over the elegant simplicity of retro future ambient charm. It is an event that numbs all but two of the
senses while reducing the other two to withering shells of their former selves. I give it one thumb up and one thumb down.
3)
The works of Ovid mixed with the later work of
Jack the Ripper only begin to describe the achievement conveyed today. A concoction of messages and motifs that
intersect only when necessary and leave the rest of the performance out to dry
in front of a less than receptive crowd.
I have witnessed a work of art today, and I have no idea how to feel.
4)
A work in banality so profound it reaches a
strange full circle that it retains its mere banality and loses all profundity. A true feast for the average viewer provided
the average viewer has looked deeply inside their soul and is ready to accept
what their personal feast may entail.
First time viewers may quake in fear or leave in outright anger, but
worry not, those are the people who will return again and again trying to
challenge the fundamental core of what they have witnessed. Or perhaps (as I have suspected all along)
they would like a challenge to the fundamental core of who THEY are.
Events:
A)
Description of a bounce passes from Lebron James
to Dwyane Wade in game 1 of the 2013 NBA Finals.
B)
A review of the Hall of Minerals at the New York
Museum of Natural History.
C)
A fake review of an out of print and hard to find
book necessary to write a section of an essay that counts for 40% of the final
grade.
D)
First draft of Armond White’s first review of Blended by Adam Sandler.
Key:
The Answers do
not matter; this is an exercise in enjoying the journey. But just in case you’re dying to know (weirdo)
1-B
2-D
3-C
4 - A
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