The Lumosity Conspiracy

If you had to guess which blog post I’ve written that has received the most views which one would you say?  I’m not going to wait for an answer because every second in which you struggle to remember an article title will only serve to further my deep sadness, so instead I’ll go ahead and say the thing I wrote about Lumosity (I’ll let you off the hook because even I, the great author, cannot remember my titles).  Now for those of you outside of the mental brain game loop, Lumosity is a website that uses mind games to improve your cognitive abilities.  They call it brain training.  On a basic level this sounds like a great idea and I would agree with you there.  My problem is that the only way to get something out of the service is to pay a monthly fee.  Why would a service that holds the key to improving your brain functions horde this knowledge for a monthly fee?  Paying for what they deem an essential and necessary service seems a bit immoral and lame.  So I wrote a rambling, complaining type rant one morning at around 3 am and to my great surprise, watched it reach the peak of my most viewed articles.  I never knew why it reached the exalted status of most read blog piece because it was a tossed off piece based on raw anger in the middle of my many nighttime hallucinations (that is for another blog).  I’ve come up with a theory as to why it became my most read article and the blame points squarely on… Lumosity!  I believe they are spying and keeping tabs on me.

Yes I said it; Lumosity is following me around because I bad mouthed them on the internet.  They see the power my blog yields with its 15-30 hits a day and they are rightfully afraid.  I say Lumosity is stalking/keeping tabs on me because of the emails I have still been receiving from them.  The emails are all about how their games are not stupid and scientifically proven to work.  They’ve even given me the opportunity to join them for free couple of days to prove that they are a generous and benevolent corporation.  Well again, I say ha!  I’m not falling for it Lumosity.  I will not return to your website of so called brain training no matter how specific and lovely those emails look.  And furthermore I shall never retract my statements from the blogosphere!  They will stay there for eternity as a blemish on your record of brain training because if the service is as important as you say it is, it should be free.  Don’t keep your knowledge bottled up for a fee!  Share it with the world Lumosity and let us all progress to the next level of our cognitive abilities.  I put it to you to, one – not sue me for libel and two - make your service free.  Help mankind Lumosity!  You’re our only hope.  And also stop sending me emails; they’ve becoming rather annoying and creepily specific.  It’s like you guys are trying to bring me back into the cult.  It ain’t gonna happen, but please keep reading my articles, I do appreciate it.  Now let’s hope that this Lumosity article will get the weirdly high number of views it doesn’t deserve.