Just Enjoy the Snow!

The big snowstorm to end all snowstorms hit New York and other less important areas and wait to for it… life still goes on with only a few inconveniences.  In fact the city was hit with under a foot of snow which is vastly different from the Day After Tomorrow scenarios that were envisioned nights and days before.  People panicked as if they had never lived through this thing we call winter and its side effect known as snow.  So the storm came and passed like an annoyance in the night and led to the recent phenomena of complaining that we didn’t get hit hard enough.  I cannot for the life of me understand all of this complaining at what turned out to be the best possible outcome.  First, nearly everything is closed today so that’s a lovely midweek break from the monotonous grind that is late January.  A random vacation day can do wonders for the psyche and may stave off your seasonal depression for a couple of hours. Now instead of trying to kill yourself at 10 at night, you’ll wait till after the Late Night block and then maybe decided not to do it all because who’d want to kill themselves after watching a celebrity get soaking wet on Jimmy Fallon?  The answer: bad example; I apologize profusely.  So we got that going for us.  Secondly, did people want there to be a massive snowstorm that crippled the city and made Sandy seem like a quaint affair?  Sometimes it’s nice when our experts are wrong especially when it comes to killer snowstorms.  At the worst, last night’s storm forced you to do the shopping you’ve put off forever and stopped you from driving on hazardous roads.  Again I can’t see why people are mad.  Yes it is annoying when things aren’t accurate to the t but I’m fine with this one.  The only people I can understand who want massive power outages in New York are fans of The Purge and our underground Amish population (mark my words they’ve been waiting for a time when we would call on them and they would just sit there, stroke their beards, and laugh at us while reading a deluxe version of the Bible that includes 45% more vengeance).  What it comes down to is that the weather people overreacted and we got a nice snow day out of their sky is falling rhetoric. 

Plus if anything, this allows us to focus our perpetual outrage towards meteorologists and keep the cycle of Twitter outrage and sarcastic meme posting alive.  Without these sorts of miscalculations our holier than thou friends would cease to exist and surely we wouldn’t want that?  Does anybody want to live in a world where a mistake cannot become buried under a mountain of ridicule and death threats?  I for one, shudder to think at such an existence because it would mean the end of my blog and would be a tragedy of unspeakable terms for the literary world.

In the end the snow came, but not really, and of course people are mad.  But I say enjoy your snow day and engage the snow!  Remember when a snow day was the most glorious of all random holidays and the sound of school being cancelled led to the most pleasant morning sleep you’ve ever had?  I remember but that’s because every day for me is a snow day (don’t ask why – the answer is just too depressing).  So stop complaining about how it didn’t snow bricks and enjoy the fact that we have a day off and the perfect amount of snow both have fun in and operate around.  Jesus people it’s just snow!  

Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore Review

The newest show on the late night block is The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore.  So far three episodes have aired and thus the show is game for judgment and harsh critiquing.  The show so far has been a worthy successor to my beloved Colbert Report and will no doubt be around for a bit.  This show must have set a record for the largest disparity between quality of the show and awfulness of the promos (they were very bad especially when paired with the hilarious promos of Broad City).  Larry Wilmore has delivered in his first week with great topics and interesting panels.  His first ten minute monologue segment is consistently funny and does a great job setting up the panel discussion.  The panel is where I can really see this show succeeding.  On all three shows he’s had a wide array of voices and opinions that are not typically found on TV or the 11:30 slot.  It’s been a great mix of politicians, writers, musicians, and comedians that can make for good discussion (and it serves as a nice precursor to my favorite panel show of Real Time with Bill Maher).  For the panel to be good though, it needs to have a wild card or somebody who will disagree with what the majority says.  The Bill Cosby episode had that in the form of Keith Robinson saying some of the women were lying.  The first show had Bill Burr discussing how violence is needed in protest movements and last night’s show had Amy Holmes saying she would not stand when Obama said we need equal pay of women during the Keep it 100 segment.  The outliers of the panel will provide the fuel for good debate and it is necessary for Wilmore and his staff to keep booking these voices or else the show will be just a round table of predictable agreement.  This show will thrive on differences of opinion.

I also feel that Wilmore is cutting off people and debate a little too quickly at times, but I imagine that once the show progresses, he’ll become a master at guiding the discussion.  I have another complaint with the Keepin’ it 100 segment because it seems like Larry Wilmore already has a correct answer in mind and will only give out a 100 sticker if the person goes along with what he thought.  If you go against Larry Wilmore’s opinion you will get a weak tea.  Otherwise the show has been great and we couldn’t ask for a better follow up to Colbert.  The show is giving different voices and perspectives a chance to shine and will allow for an interesting discussion to take place rather than force people into making unfunny jokes.  I like the dual format and always enjoy a late night talk show that doesn’t serve to promote people’s boring movies or projects.  It is great show and I wish Larry Wilmore and the Nightly Show good luck.     

Another Pointless Award Show

The Oscar nominations were released today and I’ve already seen people complaining about what was nominated and what was snubbed.  All I can say to these people is “why you say that for”?  To me there is no use in complaining about these award shows because history has proven that the voters for these major awards (I’m talking Emmys, Grammys, and Oscars) are usually not good at their job.  Take the Grammys, which I consider the worst of the worst.  Look at any list describing the best albums or songs of the past 50 or so years.  Now look at the Grammy’s list of annual winners.  The disparity could not be greater.  Our musical overlords of the 50’s-70’s only got their hardware in the form of apology awards.  Today the Grammys has gotten better but they still face heavy criticism in the area of best Rap album and so on.  The whole Kendrick Lamar Macklemore debacle brought back echoes of A Taste of Honey beating Elvis Costello for best new artist.  The Grammys are the most irrelevant of the major award bunch and that is only if you consider the Grammys an award ( classic Simpsons burn).  Despite my hang ups about the Grammys, I do consider their show the best of the three (aside from the Tonys) because it focuses on performing rather than self-righteous speeches that make you want to jab q-tips in your ear a la Lena Dunham in that episode of Girls back in the day (to answer your question – yes I do want to see an act off at the Oscars/Emmys).  The performances are usually fun and give you a chance to directly experience all the music you hear in the background of a terrible club.  So I thank the Grammys for that.

I’d like to skip the Emmys (self-explanatory) and move directly to the king daddy of all gold statues, the Oscars.  The Oscars should be renamed “the Awards for Best Movies to Arrive in Theaters after August” because generally those are the only movies they feel that counts (though this year the field has expanded slightly).  Again I direct you to the test I gave the Grammys.  Look at what is on the Sight and Sound poll or really any greatest movies of all-time list and compare it with the Oscar winner of that year.  Sometimes the most memorable thing about the Oscars are the films that don’t win (Citizen Kane, Goodfellas, the list goes on and on) and thus proves the disconnect between Oscar voters, critics, and the average film goer.  But in the end, the Oscars (like the Grammys, Emmys, and Tonys) are shows that peddle in having apples and oranges compete against each other.  How can one successfully compete in the arts?  1977 had Annie Hall beating Star Wars for best picture.  How can you even compare these groundbreaking and great films against each other?  It is artistic madness at its worst.  These films compete for respect and peer recognition but in the end that doesn’t always last or matter.  I like to bring up the modern example of The Social Network and The King’s Speech.  The film, The King’s Speech, is classic Oscar bait: a stuttering King overcomes his disability by working with an eccentric doctor which allows him to lead his country against the Nazis (in this historical timeline Winston Churchill does not exist).  This movie won the Oscar solely by its description, but today you’d be hard pressed to see it referenced in our popular culture despite being an Oscar winner and a decent movie.  The Social Network has become a part of our vernacular and is one of the most quotable films of the past few years on top of it being supremely excellent while answering the pressing question of who knew a movie based on Facebook would be so great?  You can exchange my example with plenty of other films to prove how meaningless this award really is.

For all my award show hate I do sort of enjoy the Golden Globes.  I think the idea of separating films and television shows based on drama and comedy is a smart method because comedies are always overlooked when it comes to award shows.  Apparently Oscar voters do not care for the phrase “dying is easy, comedy is hard”.  So I’ll give the Golden Globes a pass for having genre distinctions.  Otherwise, awards given out at award shows are meaningless.  Winning Best Picture is not akin to winning the World Series.  People know now (and at the time) that Goodfellas is supremely better than Dances with Wolves and that Citizen Kane is superior to How Green was My Valley.  So don’t pay these awards any mind because competing in the arts is pretty stupid.  Just sit back and get mad at all the circling jerking and self-righteous congratulation that is award season.  

I Stand with Charlie Hebdo (among other thoughts)

In the wake of the disgusting and senseless deaths yesterday at Charlie Hebdo, the message sent loud and clear is that the barbarism and fear that characterized 2014 will extend seamlessly into 2015.  This all started because a bunch of cartoonists did the daring act of drawing the Prophet Mohammed (yes that was their crime).  I don’t see why in the 21^st century (or really any century), drawing Mohammed is an act worthy of death.  These terrorists should take a page from the most popular religious leader of late; Pope Francis.  The Pope has sent a message of acceptance, tolerance, and peace rather than the traditional Catholic decrees of intolerance and hate and in return has become beloved.  He has taken great steps to softening the Catholic Church and has displayed great kindness to the poor, the downtrodden, and the underdog with his attacks on our out of control capitalist system and his famous statement “of who am I to judge”.  Ergo, this man has brought people like me, a strict Jewish agonist/atheist to his side along with people like Bill Maher (an even stricter atheist).  This guy is the way to lead a religion into the 21^st century.  Killing people over crude cartoon images of your Prophet isn’t going to make much headway. 

In my mind, Islam is in need of a reformation akin to what happened to Christianity in the 1500’s.  The religion is about 1400 years old and is in need of a Martin Luther to step up and nail a set of 95 Thesis to the wall of a Mosque.  Hell I would settle for a Vatican II or something of the sort to help modernize parts of the religion (yes I do realize that Islam isn’t as centralized as the Catholic Church but still a meeting of high clerics couldn’t hurt).  It’s just infuriating to continually hear about people living in fear or dying for what they have drawn or who they have insulted.  Salmon Rushdie is still on the list of Al Qaeda’s most wanted and all he did was write a book (on Friday he will be on Real Time with Bill Maher so we know that will be a great show).

But in reality, what more is there to say that hasn’t already been said?  This topic of people dying because they dared “insult the Prophet Mohammed” has become so much a part of our cultural dialogue that it is almost expected when somebody draws their pen to paper.  I’ve seen plenty of Anti-Semetic drawings and writings but today you’ll just see the JDL rather than cold blooded assassins.  I didn’t see a gang of militant Jews gunning down the producers and actors of the Death of Kilnghoffer over the fall.  You fight art with art, not with bullets and death threats.  What does that do?  How does that help what Jon Stewart would call “Team Civilization”?  We as a civilization need to move past the need to threaten people, especially comedians and satirists, with death because they discussed a sacred item or hold a dissenting opinion.  There are no sacred or untouchable items in society today and that’s fine.  Everything is up for mockery and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Hopefully, we can get some of the crazies on board or else who knows anymore.  Who knows?

The Knicks are Trying to (and have already) Break your Heart.

Shall we take a look down memory lane:

1999 Finals: The “so this is what that feels like” moment of the season.  We dominate everybody in the playoffs and pull off some heartbreakers only to get destroyed by the Spurs.  The first Knicks related heartbreak I can remember, but certainly not the worst.   

2000 Eastern Conference Finals:  I get to stay up late to watch Game 6 and my reward is that Reggie Miller beats us at the Garden.  But such a fool was I to think that deep playoff runs and get ‘em next year was to be the norm.  I was so naïve. 

2000 Offseason:  Sure let’s trade our aging but still good franchise player and person who brought us back from the abyss for a bunch of scrubs I mean, Travis Knight, Luc Longley, and Glen Rice (to be fair not really a scrub but come on).  Sounds like a great plan that won’t doom the Knicks until 2011 and turn this once proud franchise into a perennial laughingstock.   

2001 Eastern Conference First Round: Everybody, including the 76ers, was craving that Knicks Philly match up but Vince Carter had other plans.  Who would think that this series would include the last Knicks playoff win until 2012?  Well, at least the Yankees were good during this time.   

2003 Preseason:  I remember it like it was yesterday, Antonio McDyess was to lead the Knicks back to relevancy and the playoffs but instead crumbled in a preseason game (after scoring 23 points and dominating the other games) and left us fans in a bind.  McDyess spent his remaining time on the team as an expensive tease while we waited for the time he would come back and live up to his promise.  He never did but what can you do.  At least he did well after leaving the Knicks. 

2003 Offseason: At the time of the deal my dad said, we traded somebody who chokes off the court for somebody who chokes on the court.  Everybody my age loved Sprewell for his intensity, ferocious dunks, and prolific shooting and we traded him for a guy who looks like a dorkier Mac Miller. 

2004: So I was wrong about Keith Van Horn and he was actually gelling well with this Knicks squad so naturally this meant that Isaiah Thomas (more on him later) would seek to trade him, and he did for Tim Thomas.  What was Tim Thomas’s lasting contribution to the team: calling Kenyon Martin “fugazy”.

2004 Eastern Conference First Round:  Getting swept sucks, but getting swept to the Nets?  I don’t care how good they are and how bad we are because Jesus Christ fellas it’s the Nets and we’re the Knicks.  Just win a single game so we don’t have to get ribbed by the fans in their half empty Jersey arena.

2005: Championship winning coach Larry Brown came in and brought the Knicks back – to being a complete joke.  The Post’s preseason prediction had the Knicks going 43-39.  They went 23-59.

2005 – 2010: The dark years.  Here’s a sample of misery: Marbury claiming he’s the best point guard in the league and the Knicks subsequently losing every game in January, Isaiah Thomas and sexual harassment, James Dolan becoming a household name for the wrong reasons, watching players like Jared Jeffries and Jerome James roam freely on the court, watching players like Zach Randolph and Jamal Crawford (still love you) dominate – when traded from the Knicks, Team Titanic II, Quentin Richardson calling out the Pierce-Garnett-Allen Celtics and then losing by 50, etc, etc, etc.  You catch my drift.

2011 Eastern Conference First Round: The Knicks finally return to the playoffs and then watch both STAT and Billups fall to injuries on their way to another first round sweep.  The consequences of that injury would linger as it would be the end of dominate STAT and the beginning of constantly injured but always working hard Amar’e. 

2012 Eastern Conference First Round: It was bad enough to lose Shump to that horrific leg injury and to watch the Heat get every single fucking call, but to see the Knicks lose by 33 points in Game 1?  That game made me woozy and ill.  I felt an emptiness akin to being dumped.  In short, that was a bad game.   

2012 Eastern Conference First Round: To add injury and embarrassment to insult, Amare Stoudemire punched a fire extinguisher after losing Game 2 and had to sit out Game 3 with a broken hand.  At times like this there are no words. 

2012 Offseason: Linsanity was lightning in a bottle excitement and made every Knicks game a must see.  James Dolan, being the savvy businessman he is, decided to let him walk to the Rockets and take all that Linsanity magic elsewhere (lucky for us, the magic had already worn out).

2013 Eastern Conference First Round: This didn’t break my heart but it did almost give me several heart attacks.  The Knicks nearly blew a tremendous Game 6 series clincher in Boston by spotting the Celtics a 20 point 4^th quarter run.  The clock seemed to be moving at half speed and the Knicks could only throw up bricks and bad passes until Melo iced the game.  If the Knicks lost that game, that may have been a breaking point (but probably not).

2013 Eastern Conference Semi-Final: The Knicks make a furious Game 6 comeback and look well on their way to forcing a Game 7 when Roy Hibbert juts out his hand and denies Melo at the rim.  The block shattered the ball, the rim, the Melo, and the will of my beloved Knickerbockers as they just collapsed and fell to pieces in Indianapolis.  The dream of losing a competitive Eastern Conference Finals to the Heat was dead. 

2013-2014 Season: Where to begin?  Should I start with awful last minute execution which resulted in countless loses?  Shall I mention the whole Raymond Felton gun saga coupled with the general malaise felt throughout the Knicks season?  How about the joy of the Andrea Bargnani experience and being a witness to one of the worst Knick trades of all time?  No I think the thing that stands out this season is it was the time we returned to being a laughingstock.

2014-2015: And I thought last year was bad (said in the voice of Heath Ledger’s Joker).  There is a very real possibility that the Knicks may end 5-77.  It may not happen, but then again, I wouldn’t bet against it.

2014-2015: I thought we got Reggie Jackson, a name that would fit so well in New York City, when in fact we just got a second round pick and the hope that people are actually going to want to play for the Knicks despite everything that surrounds this franchise.  Please, Phil Jackson stop the cycle of pain or else, as I said on Facebook, I will only watch 90% of the games next season.    

Feel free to add to the misery with your Knick related heartbreaks and traumas!