New England is a lovely part of
our great nation. I for one cannot get
enough of the rich history and richer seafood that this region contains. If there is one thing I can’t stand about our
Northeast corner, I’d have to go with the accents that have befallen those that
live there. The New England or Boston
accent never ceases to make my ears bleed.
Why even now the mere thought of the word “wicked” followed by “retawded”
do I feel a copious amount of blood ready to gush from my ears. That is the one thing about that area I can’t
stand. But there are four other things
that I fucking despise with all my heart about New England (more than those accent),
and they are in descending order of hatred, the Red Sox, the Celtics, the
Patriots, and the Bruins. As a proud New
Yorker I would like to say a hearty go fuck yourself to these teams. The Red Sox for the obvious reason of being
complete scumbags and for causing the traumatic moment that was 2004 and
creating the element of doubt in my once stalwart Yankees. Fuck the Celtics for always beating up on the
Knicks (sans the playoffs where we are pretty even) and being the general
opposite of the Knicks as a franchise. I
hate the Bruins because of the Boston that precedes them and the fact that they
have given the Rangers a tough time (hockey people help me out here). Last night’s Super Bowl featured the
Patriots, a Boston team that even non New Yorkers despise, win a game because
their opponents were not the New York Giants.
Had the Seahawks been the Giants, that final drive would have resulted
in a touchdown and another soul crushing defeat for the one in the hooded
sweatshirt (assuming he has a soul).
Instead the Patriots caught a break (this time not due to cheating) and
escaped with the ultimate prize and a year full of gloating. The only solace our nation will receive from
this most evil of victories is that New England will probably be blinded by
snow for the next few weeks so take that.
At this point it’s all we’ve got.
This year’s halftime show brought out the grandpas and
grandmas in my generation. Katy Perry
put on a good show with Lenny Kravitz, but it was Missy Elliott who stole and
owned the show. She was great. After the show I went online and was greeted
by people my age tweeting high praises of the show mixed with the occasional
grumbling. The grumblings were not aimed
at the show but rather at young people who didn’t know who Missy Elliott was. Kids today am, I right? This was the first “back in my day” moment
for some people my age. In a way they’ve
finally hit a reliable mark of old age in complaining about how the younger
generation is ignorant. It was a true
milestone and shows that we are well down that familiar generation path forged
by the boomers and xers before us (you don’t know who Paul McCartney/Kurt
Cobain is, etc). We are on our path
towards crotchetiness and it only took a quarter of a century. Well played millennials, I guess we are
special after all!
I hate sentimental commercials because at the end of the day
all commercials, no matter how sappy or sweet they are, all have the same
purpose: to make you buy their stuff.
There is no higher purpose; it all boils down to gimme, gimme,
gimme. That being said, I’d rather watch
a crappy sentimental commercial than a downright depressing and horrifying
one. Yep you guessed it; I’m talking
about the dead boy commercial from Nationwide.
What the hell was that? Who
thought that putting out a commercial focused on a dead kid would be a winning
one especially when it would be sandwiched between such downers like the one
where the guy plays life sized Pacman and that other one about Doritos, the
most perfect chip in the world. That
dead kid commercial was just awful and would have been the WTF moment of the
game if not for that idiotic pass. I
guess add dead kids to the list of things (head trauma, domestic abuse,
cheating) we associate with football.
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