Cheap and Petty

So Cheap, So Petty

I’m always game to add a bit of jerky or petty annoyance to another person’s day.  It’s one of those things that help me to keep on keepin’ on.  Here are some fun, petty things to do when you need to amuse yourself at the expense of others:

1)       Go in an empty elevator and put your back to the door (this usually works better with a friend).  Every time the door opens, the people outside will assume that the elevator is packed to the gills.  But you fooled them.  Count how many times somebody mutters “I’ll catch the next one”.  Never leave the elevator. 

2)      In the office I currently work in, there are two urinals and two stalls in the bathroom.  When somebody is using one of the urinals and there is a stall to spare, the new person usually goes to the stall.  Not I say me.  I proudly stand next to that uncomfortable person (it always happens to be somebody who can fire me) and let freedom ring.  I encourage anybody to try this out just to see the look on somebody’s’ face when you break the unwritten rule of bathroom decorum. 

3)      This one I credit to my friend, KidSuper.  There is heavy traffic and the walk signal has just turned red.  The cars are rearing to go, but fuck them; you want to walk across the street.  You have somewhere to go and you won’t wait for some car to cut you off.  Instead of waiting for the light to change or sprinting down the street, run across the street like an idiot.  Flail your arms or hop and skip and just look like you are having the utmost fun.  It’ll put a nice big smile on your face, and bring a healthy dose of road rage to those drivers.  Be careful to keep running when you hit the bike lanes or the drivers will get a good laugh of their own.

4)      On the subject of the bike lanes, make sure to cut them off as much as possible, or get really close to them, and then bow out of the way.  I mean bow in the sense of give a dramatic curtain calling bow.  It’s fun to taunt those on a bike.

5)      Tell everybody that as a young person you are invincible and will live forever so don’t talk to me about consequences.  Then be careful not to get into a serious injury until you reach middle age.  Then go crazy.  But until then, be very cautious as not to invoke a hearty dose of irony.

6)      Use lines from European art films in everyday conversations.  I enjoy telling people that “I want to be immortal and then die”.  If they don’t get the references, just shake your head in shame.

7)      Military crawl whenever the opportunity arises.

8)      When a person on the street is asking for signatures or donations to a charity, respond to them in your most perfect English that you do not speak any English and these are the only words I know.  You’ll be surprised at how many people find that funny.

9)      Be a walking contradiction and a host of hypocrisy.

What are some petty, inconsiderate things you enjoy doing?  Be that guy and comment below?