This new year has already begun to disappoint me in ways I
cannot explain. That last sentence is a
lie as I can explain these reasons and I intend to in the words, sentences, and
possibly paragraphs written below. I say
that this year has been disappointing because none of the predictions in my
famous and popular posting of 2014 predictions have come true. We have been living in the future for 5 whole
days and I am only 0 for everything. I don’t
know whether to be disgusted at this year or at my own failed Nostradamus
powers. Again, I am quite the liar as I am
only disgusted in the year and not in myself (what a foolish thought. Stop being so foolish).
As I read through my many musings on events that have yet to
transpire, I realize that many of my predictions are set up for specific months
like October, or November, or the planned further NSA leaks in March (just
joking, it’ll will be revealed in April.
March is the cover-up month. Soon
everything will fall into place). That doesn’t
mean I could have still gotten a few of the undated ones correct. Maybe I start off the year with a bang and
get a bold prediction correct right off the bat. But alas, there has been no sighting of
candidate Obama and the champions for a race war have not even been
discussed. Not the slightest progress on
either of those two predictions.
Now the intrepid reader may say that one of my predictions
has come true in the form of the Knicks amazing their fans. They did have thrilling beginning to the year
as they shocked the Spurs and then lost in predictable, horrifying fashion to
the Rockets. The victory over the Spurs
did not shock any Knicks fans because we, like any other tortured fan base,
start off the year with aspirations of rising from the dead like Lazarus. An undeserved overconfidence always surrounds
a shitty team’s fan when the clock strikes next year as they somehow think that
the beginning of another revolution around the sun will somehow cause their
favorite squad to cast off the shackles of suckdom and play like an actual
team. So when the Knicks “shocked” the
Spurs everything was happening according to plan. We the Knick fans were just anticipating and wincing
for when reality would punch us in the face or take a stupid shot with 23.9 seconds
left in a tie game. Losing in the last
minute after playing spectacularly for 47 minutes isn’t anything new or
amazing. It is expected at this point in
the season. So when the Knicks lost that
heartbreaker and soul crusher to Houston, we the Knickerbocker fans were not
amazed or shocked. We simply realized
that this year would be more of the same basketball hell. On to Dallas, we cry, with thoughts of
another upset/new low.
All my carefully thought out and reasoned
predictions have gone unfulfilled and I realize the only path left for me is to
write some damning words on a cardboard poster and stand outside the Starbucks
near MSG yelling about end times or whatever.
For every failed Nostradamus, this is an ancient and necessary cleansing
ritual and after a few days I will be reborn or have succumbed to the freezing
weather. Either way, if you are by that
area and see a crazed Harry Potter/John Lennon looking person yelling at you, at
least now you know the reason why (if you don’t know it is because of my failed
predictions. Jesus Christ, learn how to
read).
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