Observations from Attending a Trashy Daytime Talk Show (not Springer)

Observations from attending a trashy daytime talk show (not Springer):

1)      The audience is chock full of the most judgmental people I have ever seen.  It was a chorus of mmhmms coming from the regulars amidst general shouting at these poor people on stage.  It was quite hilarious to say the least.  The barrier between audience member and guest is closer than most would audience members would like to think.  The best audience I had was on a show about obesity.  A three hundred fifty pound woman enters the stage and the Greek chorus of old regulars behind me yells out that she is perfectly healthy and not fat at all.  Her skinny sister enters the stage and the same women are yelling that she is skinny due to all the crack-cocaine she smokes and that she should put down the pipe (this was the first thing to prop to mind).  The regulars in the audience are amazing and can be broken down into two categories.  The first set of regulars is older women who legitimately watch and enjoy the show and the host.  They are interested and involved in the proceedings.  They sit around with a group of show friends and discuss the guests in a serious tone.  They have a sincere enjoyment of the show.  The next set of regulars is a younger batch of men and women who attend just to enjoy the train wreck.  They enjoy the show on an ironic train wreck level and instead of passing judgment through a well-timed mmhmm, they laugh hysterically and register their best shocked faces.  The second batch is always willing to share their steady fix of bizarre stories and could not be friendlier.  They invite you to sit with them during the show and crack the best jokes.

2)      The show’s crew is fascinating as well.  The behind the stage crew could not be friendlier and view the action with detached amusement.  Few things faze them.  I was talking to one of the crew about the way a guy jumped up and down in ecstasy after learning he wasn’t the father and the guy laughed with me and said “this show isn’t classy”.  It’s funny how the people getting paid for putting on this show take it less seriously than the audience who has nothing to lose. 

3)      The audience is the true highlight of the show.  Before each taping, the crew invites the audience to dance on stage and a wild dance party emerges as the show is warming up.  Usually it is a bunch of 50 year old women going insane.  The best dance party moment that even shocked the jaded crew was when a woman brought her boyfriend up on stage and pretended to blow him while he “pretended” to cum.  Pure insanity.  Then this same woman started crying when a crew member starting joking with her about it.  She claimed she was sensitive about jokes directed at her.  This was a woman who minutes before simulated a blowjob in front of at least 100 people and then tripped and fell into the first row of seats but could not handle a light barb directed in her vicinity.  Moments like this hit against the ceiling of surrealism.  Once the show started she snapped into place and started yelling at the guests on stage calling them “hoes” and such.  She was a fun person to sit behind.

4)      When the guest’s segment is done, the crew splits up the guests and seats them at opposite sides of the stage as they await the final segment of the show where all the guests return to the scene of the crime.  It is fascinating to observe the guests as they watch the rest of the show.  One feuding couple spent the whole show exchanging longing stares at each one another.  That was sweet to creepily stare at.  Some of the guests became proxy audience members and laughed at the absurdity presented on stage.  My favorite reaction came during the lie detector test segment.  The lie detector tests had absolved one man of cheating and he and his girlfriend looked to be headed down the pleasant road of reconciliation.  Now it was the second couple’s turn.  When the results of the test were disclosed it had been revealed that one party had engaged in some infidelity.  The first guests reacted like they had never been part of the show.  They did their best “oh shit” face and laughed when the women flipped her husband out of his chair (to be fair, that was quite hilarious).  Once they were off the hook, they became one with the audience.  They no longer viewed themselves as part of the train wreck but rather, as part of the rubbernecking audience.  Transitions like that can be hard to make, but this couple turned it like an old pro. 

5)      The host had little personality and simply gave out a banal set of advice and instructions.  The family therapists and lawyers on the show shout out common sense advice that is somehow taken as gospel.  They also dress very strangely for supposed professionals.  One family therapist was wearing a skin tight cheetah print dress with heavy cleavage.  Not the most professional look if you ask me (mmhmm).  Jesus, two days on set and I’m already sounding like a regular.  I now even clap my hands at every syllable when making a point (ex: you *clap* is *clap* a *clap* skanky*clap* ass *clap* ho).  Needless to say, I loved every minute of the shows from the chair throwing to the failed DNA tests.  If anybody ever wants to go to a trashy daytime train wreck, call me up, I’ll be there.