If I had a time machine...

If I had a time machine…

Wait don’t leave, there’s more.  If I had a time machine and…

No wait don’t leave, this time I swear there’s more than just an extra word.  If I had a time machine and could travel back in time to either observe or change the past, here are some of the ways I would utilize this mind blowing power:

1)      I would see how hot Helen of Troy was and correctly calculate the number of ships/airplanes/internet articles she would have launched in our day.

2)      Seen what late teens to early 20’s Jesus Christ was like.  Did he attend hardcore shows or was he more into let’s say disco?

3)      Observed what three books the Time Traveler from The Time Machine would have taken to help the Eloi. 

4)      Followed Mansu Masu along his Hajj and expertly taken advantage of his gold giving away policy.

5)      I would lose my edge before James Murphy and tell him to shove it after giving him a compilation of every great song ever done by anybody.

6)      See the Marx Brothers perform live at as many venues as possible.

7)      Visit a Roman orgy and vomitorium and show them how it’s really done.  Once I’ve arrived, I would turn my disappointment about learning that vomitoriums didn’t exist into a moment of opportunity by creating the first vomitorium, thus changing the course of history forever.

8)      See the Ancient Wonders of the World in their full glory.  This one is a no brainer and I’m frankly a little mad at myself for putting it so low in the time travel list.  If you had a time machine and didn’t see at least all of these babies in their prime?  Well, I said good day sir!  I said good day!

9)      Eat a Dodo bird.  Why not?

10)   Ask the person who decreed that writing lists was a viable substitute for writing a prose article why list articles must end on a multiple of 5?  What makes 10 the perfect number of bullet points for a writing silly list?  Hopefully this person will have the answers to all the questions I will be slinging.

These are ten things I would do if I had the awesome power of time travel.  As you can see I hit the big points and avoided the usually haunts of killing Hitler and seeing Thomas Jefferson have sex with his slaves (to be honest that was number 11).  What would you do with this awesome power?  If you have said time machine, travel back in time and exercise the old show don’t tell maxim.  If you don’t have a time machine, then by all means tell don’t show.