Don't be a Contrarian Jerk

Don’t be a contrarian jerk would be the name of this blog post or article.  In my many travels and countless studies I have devised a list of five things that are impossible to hate sincerely (at the least these five items gather some sort of begrudging respect).  If anybody tells you that they do not like or, at the bare minimum, appreciate any of the items on this carefully assembled list, you have my permission to knock out said person.  Maybe then they will understand how very wrong they are.

1)      The movie Singin’ in the Rain.  Half the time while viewing this film I have a frozen smile of untold delights plastered across my face.  For the other half, the smile is a hell of a lot wider.  Singin’ in the Rain is such a pleasant and fun movie to watch and an impossible song to not hum.  Even on summer days like today I go about prancing like Gene Kelly.  And don’t get me talking about “Make ‘Em Laugh”.  Every move in that song and dance is perfect and never ceases to amaze me (especially that killer ending).  Go to Youtube right now and watch both those songs.  If you finish both and you don’t have to pick your mouth off the floor, you’ve done it wrong.

2)      The Beatles.  Everybody at least respects the Beatles for being the Beatles.  They are the ubiquitous band that will never grow old or tiresome.  From pitch perfect pop music to semi-folk rock to psychedelic genius, the Beatles conquered every genre they set out to play.  Sometimes I feel that people forget how good the Beatles are because of the weight they hold.  Never hate on the Beatles.  Sure you can make fun of the solo careers or whatever if you’re feeling petty, but don’t mock the Beatles.  Don’t be that contrarian dick.

3)      Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera.  Even Red Sox fans have a respect for the way these two gentlemen carried themselves on and off the field.   Growing up during the late 90’s in New York City, Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera were untouchable.  They always did their jobs and won.  When either of them faltered in a big moment, the only emotion that resonated was shock and sadness.  Never, ever any A-Rod sized anger or blame was directed their way.  I am weary of using the phrase “True Yankee” but if any two players deserve that title, it’s the Captain and Mo.  Criticism of Derek Jeter, especially in his final season, gets me irrationally mad (so don’t bother with your damning sabermetrics) and I blame this on growing up a Yankees fan in the 90’s.  I will just not listen to any of it.  The man is a god for being a True Yankee both on and off the field.  And Mo is just Mo.  The greatest of all time.

4)      “ABC” by the Jackson Five.  If you can’t sing the lyrics to this song at the drop of a hat, it’s time to whip out those lyrics and get cracking.  The song is such an infectious bout of joy and catchiness that one cannot help but get up and lose themselves to the Motown sounds of a great band.   As I write these words I have the song playing on an endless loop of joy.  It’s a song that is used in every movie and yet I’ve never grown tired of it.  Hell, I wish it was in more movie montages. 

There is my list of five beauties that exist above our spectral plane of criticism.  Take them down if you wish, but know that you will fail in the most spectacular of ways.  And stop being a contrarian jerk.