To Tell a Tale

We need to create a gauge or a wrap it up timer a la the Chappelle Show when people are talking about their lives.  If there is one thing in conversation that annoys the hell out of me, it is when people talk about themselves or their incredibly dull jobs/day-day activities ad-nauseam.  Take all your so called interesting stories and condense them into a humorous anecdote or a horrifying jumping off point for a better conversation where you are not the main character.  For me, conversations of interest rarely involve the daily doings of people because most of the time it’s just plain boring.  Unless you are doing something of actual interest (anything in the vein of creativity) let’s spend our time telling jokes and ragging on each other until somebody starts to cry.  Let’s discuss artists, musicians, politics, and people we don’t like.  When we bring up ourselves I say we preach the word of universality.  Personal stories are no fun unless it leads to a larger point that is fascinating.  Tell a story about you working in an office and there always being cake in the break room and I’ve already mentally checked out.  Tell a story about people throwing up the cake in the break room and I’m intrigued.  I love it!  That story has everything: action, suspense, Tosh.0 levels of vomit, and most importantly it doesn’t just revolve around you. 

My main point is that more people should exaggerate, embellish, or in some drastic cases, just plain lie about the personal stories they tell.  Our society needs to have a mandatory class where people learn how to tell a proper story.  When I discuss issues of my personal life I have tweaked the tales to make them that more interesting and compelling because most people could care less.  How many times have you tried to discuss your life-changing vacation and gotten the disinterested gaze and/ or the jealous stares?  As Groucho Marx once sang “Your proposition may be good but let’s have one thing understood, whatever it is I’m against it!”  If you’re going to tell somebody a story that doesn’t involve them or a celebrity, there is a mighty fine hurdle that you’ll be a-climbin’ in order to keep their interest at a peak level.  In the process we create our own tall tales and build up our own myth and legend thus making us more interesting people.  Everybody loves a liar; it’s why we pay actors and actresses millions of dollars a year to play dress up on a screen.  So weave that tale and embellish when necessary.  Your audience will both love and respect you for not wasting their “precious time”.  And always remember the famous George Costanza line, “it’s not a lie if you believe it”.  Is there anything else to say?