The Fifth Day of May or Isis Day

Isis Day is a day like no other.  In short, it is about proving yourself to your one true love.  It’s either about that or going through pyramids made of ice to find an empty casket.  The meaning changes on every Isis day.  Now one naturally wonders how to properly celebrate this scared of unholy spiritual holidays and if it will interfere with my Cinco de Mayo plans.  Never fear weary traveler, both holidays are compatible and mean each other no harm or distress.  So let us delve into how to celebrate the 5^th day of May.

First, one must prematurely marry or proclaim unyielding love to their lover.  It must be premature because then why would you cut off your hair and ride straight away?  You’ve done nothing to deserve this love and must run away, hoping to make it up to them soon as a wiser, better person.  To accomplish this, ride into the wild, unknown country where you cannot go wrong.  Once you have arrived at this country, hitch up your pony (or traveling vehicle of choice) to a post (or parking spot) on the right and enter a Laundromat.  This is a necessity as you’ve been traveling for some time and probably smell quite foul.  If one is to go on an adventure for a true love, it is best to smell one’s best.  Now stow away in the Laundromat and wait for a man to approach you.  If the man asks you for a match, it’s the right guy.  Anybody else is just impeding on your voyage of love and discovery.  The first thing you’ll notice about this man is that he is not an ordinary fellow because before you can pull out a match, he’ll hit you with a proposition of asking “if you’re looking for something easy to catch”.  Tell the man you’re flat broke (or you got no money) and he’ll laugh saying that it won’t be necessary.  Follow this man out to conclude part one of Isis Day.  Wait for the harmonica and instrumental break to end and we’ll hitch it down to part two.

As the black cover of night approaches you two will head out for the cold and the north.  Since you have no money to pay this man and are heading for a barren place, present this man with your traveling blanket.  Knowing that this is a sincere gesture, the man will return the favor by giving you his word.  That will be enough for now.  He also relays the information that you’ll be back by the 4^th.  You realize that somehow answered your question of where are we going and it is unequivocally the best news that you’ve ever heard.  The journey is long and arduous and so naturally at this point in the Isis Day celebration your mind begins to wander.  The details of the wandering don’t matter as long as you hit these three crucial points of thought: turquoise, diamonds, and the world’s biggest necklace.  When you hit the canyons and the cold becomes unbearable and rather devilish, avert your wandering mind back to thoughts of your true love.  Think about some of the things they told you like getting remarried and how their thoughts on your apparent recklessness.  Only touch on a few of your loves lesser sayings because, and this is crucial to understanding the celebration, you simply can’t remember all the best things they said.  Pause for a raucous musical interlude before continuing the journey.

After much traveling, you and your partner will finally hit the vaunted pyramids covered in ice.  Here the journey will become clear and your partner will finally go into the why of the journey.  Hidden in one of the caskets is a body that will bring a good price and he needs some help digging it out.  In search of a love-affirming adventure you’ve become a grave robber and a rather willing one at that.  Brave the howling wind and frankly outrageous snow and start chopping because it won’t be long until your partner succumbs to the conditions.  His death isn’t contagious (plus you’ve already taken a shot for what he died of), but don’t for one minute stop chopping!  You’ve got to go on for the sake of your love and perhaps that of your partner.  But before you can break into the tomb, take a break and dance to the third musical interlude.

Now it’s judgment time.  Break into the tomb and lift up the casket.  I’m not going to lie here because that would be cruel, but that moment when you open up the casket is going rank on high on your list of personal disappointments.  There’s nothing in there, no jewels, no nothing.  Your partner was just being a friendly fellow and never expected you to take up his offer.  Somebody is looking like a real madman now and that somebody is you.  So you’re left with an empty casket and a dead man.  Put one and one together and that neatly wraps up that dilemma.  Say a quick prayer for satisfactions sake and bam, you’ve proved yourself to your love.  All that’s left to do is to ride back and declare your love to them.  After a quick voyage, you’ve found your love alone in a meadow by the creek.  The way to reproach your love following an odyssey is to come in through the east so the sun blinds your eyes.  Once you’ve cursed the sun away you’ve vanquished your final foe and are ready to be with the one you so desire.  Answer their various queries and concerns (where ya been, you look different) in vague terms (no place special, well I guess) until they gets to their central thesis of “you gonna stay” which you will answer with a hearty YEAH!  The celebration is nearing completion.  As you look out on what you did and where you went for your personal Isis think about how what drives you to them is what drives you insane.  But always remember the way that they smiled on the 5^th Day of May in (hopefully) the drizzling rain.  If there is no rain, create some.  Trust me, that’s the easiest part of celebrating Isis Day. 

Or another worthy celebration of Isis Day is to listen to the song “Isis” by Bob Dylan off his 1976 album, Desire.  The Live 1975 version is a good listen as well.