One Year Later

One year ago to the day my Nana died. It’s surreal to watch somebody you’ve known your whole life, especially somebody who was so feisty and full of life, go gently into that good night but sometimes people get sick and they just don’t get better. The week leading up to her the death was like a snowball that turned into an avalanche. When we took her into the hospital nobody thought she would be gone in a week. It seemed like something she had overcome before but slowly it dawned that this was different. She wasn’t getting better. It dawned on me after leaving the hospital on Wednesday that this was it but Thursday was the last day. Nearly everyone she loved was able to see her that day as she lay there. I wondered as people passed through if Nana ever thought this would be the way her lived in story would end. If when she was younger she thought her last moments would be in the company of her daughters, son-in-laws and grandkids. How did she think she was going to go?

I don’t really remember the last words she said to me but I do remember calling my mom when she took her to the hospital and hearing Nana say tell Jason thank you for calling. She could barely speak due to her hardness of breath but she still had the old world polite manners to thank me. Or how when she could barely function in those last hours she still had the Nana like instinct to point to people’s nails to remind them to get a manicure. That kind of stuff just floors me. She was as I like to say, a Nana.

I do remember though, the last words I said to her. It was getting late and was time to leave the hospital and I went over to her and started to say “I’ll see ya soon” but I stopped before the soon part because I thought soon was a weird thing to say. I didn’t want to say goodbye because who wants to say goodbye so I settled on my usual “I’ll see ya later Nana” and that was it. How can you say goodbye to somebody who you’ve seen nearly every day of your life? It’s a question I didn’t want to answer but came up with one anyway.

She died peacefully the next morning and the rush of the practical took over. By the end of the weekend was the funeral and the shiva call and then just silence and a remembrance candle burning away. Nothing to do but think about it and just keep on keeping on.

It’s been a year since she’s died and so much has changed. Her perfect Nana home on East 29^th street is now just another New York City apartment. My family moved out of our old area and have transitioned from proud Manhattanites to less boastful Queensers. I’m working at becoming a tour guide something that had never crossed my mind a year ago. I’ve fallen in and out (and in again and out one more time) of love with some very lovely women, but I could have guessed that one. Our country is being run by leaders with a frighteningly high degree of insanity and incompetence. In her high school yearbook from Washington Irving, dated 1946, the theme was about the hope of peace and unity that would come after World War II. Now it seems we’re farther than ever from those ideals. It’s been quite a year since her death.

But things go on I suppose. I felt guilty anytime I had fun for a period knowing she was dead. For me to be out experiencing things while she couldn’t felt wrong. I got over that but a weirdness still lingers on. I guess it may never fully leave.

One of the lasting memories from that weekend, other than the brutal cold, was thinking about how this was the first time I could remember Nana being the center of attention for a group larger than her immediate family. She hated any sort of mass attention and it seemed oddly fitting that her funeral would be the only event she would be the focus of. Just another thing that made her not just a Nana but the Nana and most importantly my family’s Nana. We miss you.

Snow in the Winter?

People it tends to snow during the winter. Stop freaking out about a few inches of snow. It happens, especially when it’s cold out! We should know how to deal with this already. So why does it feel like every year I have to listen to a million frantic reporters standing in front of some snow plows and explain what is going to happen and how the city will prepare for another storm of the century. Spoiler alert – it’s going to be the same thing they did last year and the last year and all those other years sans the ONE snowstorm that Mayor Bloomberg decided wasn’t a big deal and then turned out to be the biggest deal. I blame that one fuck up for the reason we all freak out and go into nuclear holocaust mode the second the Doppler radar picks up anything resembling a winter wonderland. The Mayor will most likely close public schools for the day (prompting our new Education Secretary to ask how she could implement these closings permanently), snow plows will be deployed, businesses will run sort of normally, salt will be carelessly thrown around, and the subway will be awful because the MTA hasn’t figured out how to run them efficiently in weather that can’t be described as “San Diego” like. We’ve done this before people and I’m going to guess we’ll be doing this dance again – maybe in a few weeks. Gasp, what a trip this season can be with the freezing rain.

Perhaps all the freaking out over a foot of snow is preparation for the very near future when snowfall will be an uncommon phenomenon due to global warming and our present administration’s policy that it is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese. Then all these “breaking news” updates about snow will make sense. Ah, I can see it now. A young reporter stands in front of a rusted out snow plow dressed in a blazer because it’s the heaviest coat he’s ever needed. He soon dies of exposure and the network gets blamed for putting a rookie out there for the most physically taxing assignment in years. How could they! The Mayor of our fine city interrupts every broadcast and repeats on a loop how to sprinkle salt onto a frozen sidewalk. A nostalgic Buzzfeed article about how only 1990’s kids will remember real gloves will go super- duper viral. And of course the subway will be awful but nobody will be able to tell the difference between that and normal service.

The way people freak out about snow every year reminds me of how my body fails me every springtime during allergy season. My body should know that pollen really doesn’t pose a threat to me but for some reason every goddamn April to June my body decides it’s the biggest problem in the world and goes into maximum overdrive to protect my poor body. Slowly it realizes that it was wrong and gradually my face stops feeling like its on fire. Every year my body has had to deal with pollen and every year without failing it gets the response wrong. Just one year I’d like my immune system to be like oh wait it’s just pollen let’s not freak out, but that’ll never happen. Same thing with snow. Oh this happens every year, let’s deal with it like it’s a yearly occurrence rather than viewing it as the winter rapture. I like to think we as a society, or at least as New Yorkers, are better than this.

Facebook Invite Annoyances

Why are you saying maybe on a Facebook invite? Checking maybe says I’ll go unless something better comes around which means I’ll totally drop your thing. Maybe is just proving to the people in the group that you have a life filled with wonder and possibilities and you can’t be tied down to one thing. You’re a peacock goddamn it and you need to fly! A maybe says don’t think for one second that your little birthday party or clarinet recital is the only thing I could potentially attend at 8:30 this upcoming Saturday. If there is one satisfying answer in the world to people planning an event it is the always fun “eh maybe”. At least when someone says no you have total metaphysical certitude that you’ll have one less person to worry about. A maybe just hangs people in suspense and tries to turn the event about you as if everybody will be on their tip toes awaiting your arrival. Nobody is glancing at the door to see if you’ll turn that yellow maybe into a green yes. The nerve and narcissism of some people. Awful. Just awful.

Also if you can’t attend an event that was proposed through Facebook, decline it without putting out the always necessary essay of why you can’t attend said event. Again it’s nothing but pure narcissism and ego feeding. I’d love to go your little birthday soiree but unfortunately I have plans that are more important than the one day of the year that’s supposed to be centered around you. Who are you trying to impress by putting the reason you can’t attend the event? It’s not like the host is going to see your plans and decided fuck it let’s do what they’re doing. Cancel my party I can’t compete with this kid’s trip to Wilmington, Delaware. Why try to upstage the host who so graciously decided to share an event with you? This humble host looked through a list of profile pictures and when they came to your face decided, “sure why not” and made you a part of their special day. Now you want to tell them that not only can you not attend (for shame) and doubly you have better things to do. Terrible. Just terrible.

The proper way to decline a Facebook invite is to just click decline and leave it there. When I am making my little events I could care less the reason you can’t go. All I know is that you are dead to me. If you must disclose the reason why you can’t attend, text the person or tell them directly. Don’t let the world know what you’re up to, no one on the thread cares or frankly enjoys getting lame ass notifications from the birthday thread. If you’re not updating the info on the party don’t post in the thread. I can’t believe we’ve had Facebook for so long and still don’t know how to properly RSVP to an event. Disappointing. Just disappointing.