3 Times When Lying is Acceptable

3 Times When Lying is Acceptable

When I asked you what you’ve been up to lately and your only answer is some combination of nothing and working. That’s a lame ass response that I don’t have time for and it makes you look bad. You really can’t think of one exciting or interesting anecdote to share in the time since we passed. I mean we live in New York City, you must have a horrific subway story or have witnessed a crazy person or at least have been on an exciting date or hook up. So if you can’t rack your brain for something, please start lying. You can even tell me it’s a lie, I won’t mind. It’ll at least be more interesting than hearing about that “world changing start-up” you keep grinding away at. But if straight up lying isn’t your style do what I tend to do and exaggerate or change some details to make your tale all the more exciting. The truth is good and all but sometimes a key exaggeration just takes the story to a whole new level. Like one time I hooked up with a circus clown and when I relay the story I like to say that she kept on her makeup and had a unicycle. Now parts of that story are true and others aren’t, but I think the combination of the muddled truths and obvious falsehoods create a rich tapestry that comes from the experience of hooking up with a former/current circus clown. So in short learn how to tell a story people. Our species has a strong oral tradition and I’ll be damned if it’s going to descend into a series of “nothing much, just working” conversations.

Writing in your online dating profile bio that you hate liars. Suuuuure you do. Who doesn’t just love the totally truthful among us? You know the type of person who dumped you by going through all your specific character flaws in a candid, honest, and mature way that brought you to one of the numerous dating apps that doesn’t have an “e” in their name. So go on be that person with the supremely unique pet peeve of hating liars (what I’ve never heard of such a person who hated being deceived) and I’ll pretend to believe that you’re into me for a reason other than my resemblance to John Lennon/Harry Potter. See lying helps us all!

When you don’t want to tell the truth. Can’t get more obvious than this people. Hey someone asked me a question and I don’t want to give the honest answer but I have to respond. How can I get out this one? Oh wait I know, I’ll just lie and make my life that much more manageable for the foreseeable present and let future me deal with the consequences. Problem solved. Again, easy stuff people