If You Can't Handle Me at My Worst...

“If you can’t handle me at my worst you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”

When did this quote become a badge for people to wear around them like it’s some sort of universal truth? First of all there is no evidence off of my quick Google search that Marilyn Monroe ever uttered these words in that succession so let’s leave one of our cultural icons alone. She deserves better than to be associated with this ode to unfunny narcissism.

Let’s unpack this quote. If you can’t handle me at my worst than you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best. Why is this person assuming that their best is so goddamn special that it outweighs all their negative qualities? Like what is so redeeming about this person that I’d be so willing to overlooking all their worst aspects. This imaginary person is setting a bar that they can’t ever live up to because they’ve already created a scenario where anything but a large payout in good qualities is a waste of time. Nobody wants to break even, we need some hefty returns on this investment and that means you need to have a best that is fucking golden. Nothing else will do for such boasts of narcissism. You’ve set the bar that high.

And another thing, do you think you could handle yourself at your worst let alone pawning it off on some poor, unsuspecting sucker? Take a deep dive into your psyche and confront your personal demons. I’m talking about the deepest darkest ones that keep you up at weird hours of the night endlessly pacing the floor while muttering and twitching. Think about what would happen if you were to give in to that side of your personality and just run with it. You’d probably hit some places and realizations that you wished you kept buried away. Sounds like a nightmare to the say the least, huh? Doesn’t sound much like a fun person or a good time Charlies, eh? So why would you want to pawn this monster off on some unsuspecting schumck? Exactly. It’s selfish is what it is and downright irresponsible to try and bring somebody down in the hole that you’re in by promising glimmers of personality sunshine. Terrible, just terrible you make me sick!

So in conclusion, just stop it. It’s so annoying. Nobody ever wants to see themselves at their worst let alone other people. I’m sure your best is great, but if you keep making people muck through the mud of your worst nobody is going to care or want to see it. Then that’ll really bring out your worst and boy, you better have a fantastic best to make up for that one.