Pinocchio: The Most Disturbing Children's Film of All Time

Today I’ll be continuing my look back at Disney by reviewing Pinocchio, or the most disturbing kid’s movie of all time.  Let’s begin shall we (or rather I).

Pinocchio scares the hell out of me because of how the film resolves the children to donkey plot.  There is no resolution as the children get turned into donkeys and sent to salt mines and circuses.  Pinocchio escapes with the help of Jiminy Cricket and then that part of the story is completed with no questions asked.  Neither of them decides to go back and help the errant donkey children and they are content to let these children live out the rest of their days in animal slavery.  In a modern day adaptation I would have to believe this would be handled differently because there is no hope of redemption in the original.  A current Pinocchio for kids would have Pinocchio going back to save his donkey brethren with Jiminy Cricket working out a way to reverse the curse which would of course succeed and the children would be back to normal having learned their lesson.  The film would end with a capture of the coachman and a shutting down of Pleasure Island.  We’ve grow accustomed to happy endings for all (thanks in part to Disney) so to see children, even though they are bad, condemned to a life of servitude without the slightest glimmer of hope is jarring to say the least.  I would show this part of the film on the first day of kindergarten to nip in the bud any future instance of bad behavior. 

I also find this part of the story very cruel as what child doesn’t want to give up school and hard work for a life of unlimited pleasure and fun?  This part of the film reads more like propaganda for the “protestant work ethic” mentality than a guide for mischievous children.  Also, I don’t like the fact that these kids are damned for eternity because they screwed up in their youth.  Do the writers behind Pinocchio believe that once a bad kid always a bad person?  Have they no mind for the idea that children can learn and grow from mistakes and youthful malevolence to grow into contributing consumers and capitalists?  The only character allowed to learn from his mistakes is Pinocchio who isn’t even real for most of the film!  It’s nice to see that Disney believes in the one strike and you’re out policy that made this country the number one jailor in the world.

My favorite character is Honest John and the best song in the film is “Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee”.  That fox is a great flim-flam man and I enjoy his manipulative movements and sayings.  The scene where he convinces Pinocchio he is ill is the best use of his manipulative body language and talk.  I’m always a sucker for a snake oil salesman. 

My least favorite character has to be that Jiminy Cricket.  The guy thinks he’s the end all on everything and is the worst conscious in the world.  What kind of conscious forsakes his pupil when the going gets tough or the pupil won’t listen (he abandon’s Pinocchio at least twice in the film like a quitter)?  Plus the guy has some lame one liners and a holier than thou attitude who only seems to be in it for a possible gold medal.  Get over yourself cricket man.  Plus, how was he able to breathe under water?  That was never explained.

The clocks in Gepetto’s workshop are amazing.  The variety of different singing clocks is amazing and really shows off the creativity of the visual and writing staff.  It sets the tone of what a master craftsman Gepetto is and how he deserves a better son than Pinocchio.  They could have set the whole film in his workshop showing off the different clocks he made and I would have been okay with that.

I was surprised to see that Pinocchio’s nose only grew once in the movie.  It’s the most famous visual from the film and it occurs for roughly a minute with the Blue Fairy.  I also wasn’t expecting Pinocchio to be so willing an accomplice in his own mischief.  He willingly follows Honest John even after the whole actor thing doesn’t pan out.  That has got to be either the most trustworthy or most forgiving puppet in the world.  Or maybe he just likes messing around with that insufferable Jiminy Cricket.  I must also laud that they gave the role to an actual child and let the boy sing like a believable child.  In most musicals today the kids try to sing like they’re Whitney Houston because that’s all that people applaud for and want on those singing competition shows.  It’s refreshing to hear a kid sound like a kid and not pretend to be an adult.

In conclusion Pinocchio scares the shit out of me more than when I saw it as a kid.  Let that be a lesson: never re-watch children’s movies.