Hannukah Humbug!

Why is it when I tell people Happy Hannukah during one of the seven days (eight nights) of Hannukah I get nothing but smirks and people chuckling whereas if I were to say Merry Christmas during the same time period I would receive a sincere Merry Christmas back even though it’s not applicable? It’s maddening! What makes Hannukah so funny as compared to the sacred day of Christmas? Is it the oil thing because if it is I will concede that point as it is pretty lame. Keeping a temple lit for eight days is something that one would expect out of a street magician who wears a lot of metal chains and black eyeliner not the basis of a holiday that has to compete with the juggernaut that is Christmas.

Those orthodox trucks that play music and say Happy Hannukah are not helping the cause. If anything seeing them turns me into an anti-Semite. You’re not supposed to advertise your Judaism, it needs to come out naturally like giving a subpar tip. Plus the Orthodox should not be the face of the Jewish people. Then were just asking for it.

Christmas in its purest form is a birthday party for Jesus Christ. Now when it’s somebody’s birthday do you go around wishing them a Happy Birthday three weeks before the actual birthday occurs? No, you do it that week (if you’re not going to see them on their birthday) or ideally on their birthday. So why then for the birthday of someone’s who’s been dead for 2,000 years do we insist on essentially saying “Happy Birthday” for the whole month of December? It’s not like he’s going to hear it. The only time in my grinchy Jewish mind for it to be okay to say Merry Christmas is on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Every other day say Happy Holidays because not everybody in the world celebrates the birth of a carpenter who somehow worked his way up to son of god (must have been a really bad carpenter).

So for this holiday post I leave you with the words of my grandma (I’m paraphrasing): “We killed Christ and if he ever comes back we’ll kill him again!” Happy Hannukah!