Reasons to Vote Republican

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Donald Trump: If you want to live in the prequel story to V for Vendetta.

Ted Cruz: If you want this to be in the National Portrait Gallery:

Marco Rubio: If you thought Mitt Romney’s biggest failing was that he came off as “too human”.

Rand Paul: If you want to spend 4-8 years trying to see if his foreign policy can make you forgot about his domestic policy.

Ben Carson: If when you saw former President George W. Bush struggle with basic facts and known truths thought “I’d like to see someone like that in the White House again”.

Carly Fiorina: If you were curious to see how a failure from the private sector will fail in the public sector.

Chris Christie: If you always wanted to see what would happen if Jon Stewart’s New Jersey guy impression was tasked with leading our great nation.

Jeb Bush: If you are the person who thinks the third installment of a franchise is always the best one.

Jon Kasich: If you always wanted to see Frank Grimes (or Grimy as he preferred to be called) lead our country.

Mike Huckabee: If you have ever uttered “the south shall rise again”.

Lindsey Graham: If you fancy a mint julep at all hours of the day.

Rick Santorum: If you believe that America could stand to be a little more Christian.

George Pataki: If you want to be that guy.