Andy Kaufman Lives!

Andy Kaufman lives, or so the story goes. Could it be that he was pulling the greatest prank of all time and we were none the wiser?  Is Bob Zmuda telling the truth about Andy Kaufman reappearing after 30 years of assumed death?  If so, it’s anarchy in the streets.  Nothing will be the same again and nor should it. Andy Kaufman is a force of chaos and we need that gleeful anarchist spirit to grace our lives again.   I want to see him return to SNL to break his ban and then proceed to “Fridays” up the proceedings.  Break character, pull stunts within stunts within stunts, and in general proceed to make a patsy out of us the audience because we deserve it (and because it is hilarious).  Bring that live anything can happen spirit back to that long running comedy institution.  We see people doing parts of Andy Kaufman’s acts and bits, but nobody has the gall to combine the elements.  Some people play the heel or will do something strange on a talk show, but they will not put it all together.  They are too afraid to take the bit too far or to truly assume the role of the showbiz villain.  We need villains in our life; they make everything that much better (see Kanye West).  Andy Kaufman is a true original and seeing him assume the stage again would be an act of pure surrealism. 

So if and most likely when Andy Kaufman returns, I don’t want to see any lame Splitsider think piece or whatever articles about what this means or what not (How can a website devoted to comedy be so dry and self-serious?  They even have a humor section for Chrissakes!  A humor section on a comedy website, I said good day sir!).  All it means is that Andy Kaufman beat us and we’re damn glad he did.  The man is a legend already, seeing him return from the grave after 30 years would make him something more or whatever.  The point is that Andy Kaufman lives and I can’t wait to see him back and I’ll wrestle anybody who thinks otherwise.

That’s not the end of the piece it’s merely the beginning.  This is the end.

That’s my lame impression of Andy Kaufman.  Take it as you will.  Or don’t.  I could care less.  

Weekend TV Wrap Up

Weekend TV Wrap-up/ Shows I saw this weekend

SNL – The 40^th season of SNL is upon on us and it followed in the grand tradition of SNL by being merely okay.  Chris Pratt was by no means a bad host but he really wasn’t given much to do.  This seems to happen to hosts that are good ensemble players on other shows as they just blend into the cast.  Again, nothing against Chris Pratt, but nothing too memorable from our benevolent StarLord (a great film).  I’m not going to be stepping on any new ground here but the best part of the show was new cast member Pete Davidson and his Weekend Update monologue about sucking dick for money.  It was a bit that was hilarious and very relatable.  I literally had the same conversation about dick sucking the other night and we all came to the same conclusion that Davidson did.  Even his minor roles in sketches were spot on like his pronunciation of the word treason.  Here’s hoping he gets a chance to shine this season.  I also enjoyed the return of Leslie Jones as she brought some energy to a low key Weekend Update with her flirty repartee with Colin Jost (she flirted, he just stayed there).  Michael Che was shaky at first, but got better and I hope he does a good job in the anchor role as he was pretty good in his cameo with the Daily Show.  He already is better than Jost, which sadly, is not much of a compliment.  It should have been Cecily Strong and Michael Che doing the update, but there’s no use in complaining.  Let’s just hope that Jost and Che can develop some chemistry together or else the middle of the show is going to be a drag.  The sketches again were not that memorable and here’s looking to Sarah Silverman to bring it on home next week.  Hopefully she’ll mention how much she hated working at SNL back in the day.  One can only hope.

The Simpsons – The season premiere gave us a death and I was glad it was Rabbi Krustoswki and not Spencer Tracy’s most promising newcomer of 1959, Krusty the Clown.  Killing off a character was unnecessary, but I’m glad it was done to a minor one and gave us a chance to see fake Jewish heaven (I for one would love to slow dance with the Marx Brothers and Rodney Dangerfield).  The episode was enjoyable and the celebrity cameos were fine and not a distraction (it’s always cool to here Sideshow Bob’s soothing tones).  The stand out of the episode was the bizarre couch gag by Don Hertzfedlt which took us briefly into the past and then the future of the Simpson’s franchise.  It was an avant-garde beginning to the season and I enjoyed that they let the gag go on for a few minutes.  The guest artist couch gags have been a highlight of the last few seasons and I hope that they stay.  It shows the Simpsons dedication to being a truly unique and different television program.

Family Guy – Ah, nothing warms the heart like a crossover episode.  The Family Guy – Simpsons bits were okay, but after a while the continued knowing winks at the audience grew a bit tiresome.  My favorite bits to the episode were the surprise cameos by Bob from Bob’s Burgers and Roger from American Dad! (here’s looking to a great season on TBS).  The fight scene at the end went on too long, but the Stewie – Bart subplot was enjoyable and seeing Lisa act as a positive role model and all around good person is something I’ll never grow tired of.  The biggest surprise for me was watching the hostility Marge showed towards Brian.  I guess Quagmire isn’t the only person not particularly fond of Brian.  In the end, I think Homer said it best that they should agree to stay a half hour apart from each other.

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver – As I write this piece, I am eagerly awaiting the real highlight of Sunday nights; the half an hour brilliance of John Oliver.  The show does some of the best investigative work on television in his signature 15 minute exposes that range from the disgrace that is FIFA to the disgrace that is the Miss America scholarship program.  The man is a wrecking ball of devastating humor and unparalleled insight.  Lately he’s outpaced the Daily Show and my beloved Colbert Report due to the freedom he is awarded by being on HBO.  That show is a treasure and it is unfortunate that we have to look to a comic for hard news.  Long live John Oliver!

Feel free to comment on my reviews and discuss your own favorite weekend program in the comment section below (yes I have a comments section and yes it is free to post).

Surviving/Celebrating Rosh Hashannah

Rosh Hashannah, or fake Jewish New Year as it is commonly referred to by 98% of the Earth’s population, is upon us once again and it is time to ring in the year 5775 (where does the time go).  I have decided to write a few tips, or bullet points if you will, to celebrating the perfect Jewish New Year. 

• ·         There is no matzo at this meal and people will look at you strangely if you ask for some.  That’s Passover, the phony religious holiday with Moses and what not.  This is Rosh Hashannah, the phony New Year that nobody believes in and what not.  There’s a big difference.  Don’t look at me that way, there really is.  On a similar note, do not ask for a drediel... 

• ·         It’s funny how you’d rather be watching Derek Jeter’s last game at Yankee Stadium then spend time with your family.  Actually it’s not that surprising as Derek Jeter, a complete stranger who most likely has no idea you exist other than in the general category of “fan”, has given you more happy and meaningful moments than your whole family has been able to muster.  Don’t bother arguing, you know it’s true.  You have my permission to leave during the 8^th family fight to watch Derek Jeter tip his cap one last time.  In short, The Captain is more important than ringing in the New Year.  But you knew that already.

• ·         Try your hand at blowing the shofar.  If you’re able to get a real sound out of it, congratulations you are an expert blower!  Call me sometime, perhaps…

• ·         Don’t invite Gentiles unless it is absolutely, positively necessary.  We are trying to end anti-Semitism and inviting a non-Jew to Rosh Hashannah is not going to help the cause.  From the food to the family arguments to the kvetching you’ll have your naïve visitor running to found his own local chapter of Hamas as soon as possible.

• ·         Here’s a fun game to play at Rosh Hashannah dinner.  Say something critical of Israel and then wait for somebody to acknowledge you because everybody is still in an intense conversation about that show Girl and Lena Dunham.  

• ·         Try to merge all New Year’s celebrations by coming to the dinner with some year glasses, a red envelope, and part of a dragon costume.  Then sit through the rest of the year knowing your job is done.

• ·         The best advice for celebrating Rosh Hashannah is to not attend a celebration.  Between the food, the company, and the Judaism, it’s enough to take 5 years off your life.  I advise that you celebrate the New Year in the more unorthodox manner of waiting till December 31^st.

So Happy Rosh Hashannah! Enjoy your brisket dinner and try not to kill each other.  I say try for I don’t expect the impossible. 

Clip Show

I’ve been running and writing this blog for over a year now and I think I’ve earned the right to run a highlight reel or rather a written clip show of what I consider to be some of my more memorable passages.  So below I’ve clipped out a few samples of extraordinary value and added some critiques to give you, the faithful reader, expert analysis of what I was thinking at the time.

Selection 1: Lumosity: A 2 Week Review

“…y for a price and certainly not for free (are you crazy).  All they will give the common man who doesn’t want to shell out x amount of obscene dollars is the bird hunting/photography game and the one game where you solve raindrop math equations.  On top of that, they grace the non-paying member with some sort of performance score labeled LPI or Lumosity Performance Index.  Now naturally, the question of what is a good LPI (ah you catch on quick with the slang) arises?  To answer your thoughtful question I shall dust off an old chestnut and provide the unsatisfying response of I have no idea because I am not a paying member.  I have no benchmark other than my previous LPI’s and unless I join the ranks of the paying member, I have no clue as to how I stack up against other Lumosity users (again with the paying).  Why Lumosity, why do you horde such necessary information to those of us that don’t want to pay.  You alone hold the keys to increasing my core cognitive functions, something that should have been endowed as a god given right by our creator (way to leave that one out Jefferson), but alas was overlooked and forces schnorrers like me to c…”

This piece is a classic style of complaint writing combining neurotic Jewish references, typically Thompson stinginess, and bizarre turns of phrases which makes it fairly obvious why it’s my most read article.  It may also have something to do with the fact that I used a number in the title, I split evenly between those 2 reasons (or maybe not wink wink).  Otherwise I have no idea what I was writing about or what it means due to me being in a state of intense rage.

Selection 2: Clip Show

“I’ve been running and writing this blog for over a year now and I think I’ve earned the right to run a highlight reel or rather a written clip show of what I consider to be some of my more memorable passages.  So below I’ve clipped out a few samples of extraordinary value and added some critiques to give you, the faithful reader, expert analysis of what I was thinking at the time.”

An unfortunately perfect example of the laziness and shoddy work that comprises this blog.  I shudder to think at the mind that would publish such a piece other than the fact that he must be working in some sort of ironic fashion where he thinks his self-deprecation will mask his extreme narcissism.  But what do I know I’m just the author.

Selection 3: Blank

Ah, yes the period in time when the author went on an extended hiatus for reasons unknown to even him.  Some think that it was caused by massive amounts of anxiety which lead to excessive gagging and nausea.  Others believe that he couldn’t think of another way to write a glowing review of Bob Dylan.  A small minority just believes that he had to leave us because that’s what blog writers do.  In some ways they’re all right, but in other ways they’re also all right (way to solve it Sherlock).

Selection 4: Find It Yourself

What’s the matter with you?  Go back into the archives and reread the pieces you liked.  It’s not so hard god dammit!  I mean there’s an index thing on the right side of every article, why not click on it and find a title that sounds interesting or one that you remember fondly.  I mean Christ, I write these things, what else do I have to do for you?  Bleed?  Just take it, take it all!  My goodness gracias!  This interview is over (takes off microphone in a fuming manner with smoke coming out of ears and walks out of studio).

~ 15 minutes later…

Sorry about that I don’t know what got over me.  I mean I do it was only 15 minutes ago, but that’s in the past.  I’m not that angry, angry young man anymore.  I’ve become an angrier young man but that’s for another blog.  So I hope you have enjoyed my writings over the past year and I invite you to stick around for this year is sure to have some more good pieces like the one I’m planning on Thursday (most likely something on the Jewish New Year).  So thanks for reading and I’ll see your page views on Thursday.

The Great Roosevelt Family

The Roosevelts documentary by Ken Burns is an overwhelming one, partially due to the 14 hour running time, but mostly due to the extraordinary achievements of Theodore, Franklin, and Eleanor Roosevelt.  Sure they were each flawed people who made terrible mistakes, but they were also some of our greatest leaders.  The great shame of the Roosevelts is that Eleanor never had a chance to run and perhaps win the Presidency.  We may have missed out on our greatest Roosevelt presidency.  Of the Roosevelts, I have a soft spot for the old Bull Moose himself just out of sheer amazement of what the man was able to accomplish.  He was the first President to win the Nobel Prize, invite a black man to dine at the White House, ride in a submarine, and leave the country during his term.  The man doubled our national parks and gave an hour long speech after being shot in the ribs.  Theodore Roosevelt embodies the ideal restlessness and irrepressible American spirit that we strive for and was a man that relished the position of trying to help the average American against the grievances waged by an unfair corporate system.  The man had his flaws, but even in his flaws do I find him admirable.  Theodore Roosevelt was a war monger plain and simple, but unlike the chicken hawks of today, he actually fought in the war he supported (even if he wasn’t the best colonel per se).  Can you imagine a member of Congress or a high ranking government official resigning their post to go fight in a war?  I didn’t think so.  Roosevelt was a scholar and outdoorsman, a cowboy and a New Yorker, but most of all was a great American and it’s a damn shame he didn’t run for a third term. 

I could go on and on talking about Theodore Roosevelt (the man went out on the beat as police commissioner!) but I would like to shift focus to the question of whether these great leaders could get elected to public office today.  Ken Burns says that they could not and I would have to agree with the expert documentarian.  Theodore Roosevelt is too crazy and even I, an ardent admirer, believe that he was half insane.  We scorn our politicians for getting animated (Howard Dean for example – a point brought up by Burns in an interview on the Daily Show) and Teddy is nothing but pure emotion and restlessness.  Theodore Roosevelt would have to be prepared for the grating nature of the 24 hour news cycle.  Franklin Roosevelt would not have been able to escape the constant questions about his wellness.  Would we let a cripple be President?  Ken Burns said no and I’ll agree with him.  A man reliant on braces or in a wheelchair does not give off the Presidential look that television and our punditry requires.  Eleanor Roosevelt, who I consider our greatest first lady, would also not be able to survive the political arena unscathed.  It’s not hard to imagine the flack today she would get from the right wing pundit sphere for her embrace of left wing politics and her very active role in the administration.  We are living in a political arena where Michelle Obama gets criticized for her programs targeting childhood obesity (how is this controversial); can you even think to imagine what would have been said about Eleanor Roosevelt?  The mind shutters to think of such remarks.   

The Roosevelts: An Intimate History is a great documentary and I recommend that people view it or at the very least, read the Wikipedia entries on these great Americans.  Our country has a vast, complicated history and it’s a damn shame that so many Americans could care less about it.  One could do no worse than starting off with three people who profoundly changed the 20^th century for the better. 

Works Cited

Brodeur, Nicole. "Teddy Roosevelt Was ‘cuckoo’ — and Other Quips from Ken Burns." The Seattle Times. N.p., 14 Sept. 2014. Web. 21 Sept. 2014.

The Roosevelts: An Intimate History. Dir. Ken Burns. IMDb. IMDb.com, n.d. Web. 21 Sept. 2014.

Let's Have Some New Nostalgia

Can we stop with the re-imagining of old cartoon characters in different settings or in depressing circumstances?  It’s getting rather old to see another “daring” picture of how poorly happily ever after turned out to be for Disney Princesses.  How many different versions of Prince Charming sitting on a couch while Cinderella looks on in quiet desperation can there be?  Those are almost as annoying as seeing every famous buddy pair drawn in the style of Calvin and Hobbes as if that is the only two person friendship people can recall.  Calvin and Hobbes is a fantastic comic strip but what does animating every famous pair in the style really accomplish other than us knowing that you can sort of draw like Bill Watterson?  Has Calvin and Hobbes become our ideal form of friendship?  The only thing that would make these drawing even more annoying is if they were drawn in a minimalist fashion.  I imagine that a minimalist Calvin and Hobbes style cover of the Frozen princesses would destroy certain parts of the internet (start cough Buzzfeed end cough).

I simply would like to see some diversity in our endless earning for nostalgia.  I love Calvin and Hobbes, but let’s give the style apings a rest.  Why not draw your particular twosome in the style of everyone’s favorite Viking, Hagar the Horrible or America’s best soldier, Beetle Bailey.  I for one would love to see Troy and Abed dressed in the fat Viking gear rattling off one winning zinger after another.  Instead of drawing another Disney Princess doing something mundane, take a step back and reflect on whether we really need to see your view of how miserable Snow White’s life turned out to be.  Why not shift to something not played out yet, like Pixar characters!  Instead of showing a disgruntled Princess, draw the domestic discord between EVE and Wall-E (talk about an odd couple).  Here we have a goofy garbage-bot who marries a strait laced government bureau-bot.  It’ll be “Dharma and Greg”…but with robots that aren’t Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson.  I finally implore you to think before you start sketching four lines and calling it a minimalist adaption of whatever.  Wouldn’t it be cool to fully draw out your nostalgia?  I think so and as a blogger with a small audience, my opinion is all that matters.

So people, let’s stop doing the same old same old and contemporize.  There are new things to draw and obsess about.  Start annoying me with other nostalgic takes (I haven’t seen many cancelled television shows drawn in the style of “The Simpsons” lately) so I can get on with my life.  You people are killing me.  

Guide to a Movie Marathon

Over the course of the past two nights I have been involved in a rather enjoyable movie marathon with a close buddy of mine.  The marathon started in the most innocuous of way as we both figured out we really didn’t want to talk to one another anymore that night.  He was busy working away while I was also in attendance.  So we decided to watch Lethal Weapon because we had both not seen it and thought why not.  That two hour mismatched cop flick began our journey into our great 1970’s-1980’s movie marathoning.  Below are some annotated notes on the proceedings.

Prelude

 9/14/14 – 9:30 PM to 11:30 PM – Lethal Weapon

We find Lethal Weapon on his iPad and sit down to watch the film with varying levels of commitment (he with his designing and what not and me with my Megapolis City building).  The highlight throughout the movie is the sincere saxophone that punctuates every scene.  There was once a time when that slow sax tune was not thought of as ironic and I’m glad to be a witness to a simpler time.  Watching Lethal Weapon is like watching the genesis of the mismatched buddy cop film and I couldn’t get over how funny and rather charming that Mel Gibson was until I remembered how much of an anti-Semite he currently is.  The movie moves along with general badassery and actually exciting villains unlike the banal stoic evil of most Superhero films.  We have thoroughly enjoyed the film and agree to watch part 2 but disagree about when.  I protest saying I have to leave to wake up early for a job interview while my friend and colleague calls me an idiot (amongst other hurtful things) and tells me to stay for the sequel.  I win a rather cold victory and take the train home to enjoy a repeat showing of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. 

Part 2

 9/15/14 – 8:00 PM to 10:00 PM – Lethal Weapon 2

I arrive at around 6 PM and swiftly apologize to my friend for not staying over to watch Lethal Weapon 2 as that job interview turned out to be less than ideal.  I also apologize over my slandering of Kanye West over his recent incident as on second thought, I concluded that the media did blow the whole thing out of proportion.  He graciously accepts my apology and we eat and buy art supplies until we fire up the old iPad for a viewing of Lethal Weapon 2.  To our continued delight, the sequel bests the original and surprises us with its high level of humorous sequences (the condom commercial, Joe Pesci, Donald Glover on the toilet, Mel Gibson being intentionally funny).  We both note the irony of seeing Mel Gibson call out a bunch of people for being Aryans and such (again, it was a simpler time).  It is the rare movie where I’m actually laughing along when the characters make jokes.  The movie gets quite gruesome at times (there seems to be a death every 7 minutes) and we also notice how strictly this film sticks to the theory of Checkov’s gun.  So far we’re two for two on movies as it’s on to the third film.

9/15 – 16/ 14 – 10:00 PM to 1:15 AM – Full Metal Jacket

I tell my friend that Lethal Weapon 3 wasn’t so well reviewed and we determine to utilize the IMDb Top 250 movie rankings to pick our next film.  We decide to pick the highest ranked movie that we both haven’t seen, but quickly stray from this argeement to argue about the user ratings.  I argue that the Shawshank Redemption is not the greatest movie of all time and that these ratings are flawed, while my friend claims I’m an elitist and a film snob.  We’re both right, but I’m more right than he is.  I look down the list and suggest Full Metal Jacket, a movie both of us have not seen in full.  We strike it up and begin watching.  The first 45 minutes on the army base are as harrowing and as intense as anything I’ve ever seen on an Ipad screen.  Watching these men get torn down and built up as killing machines in such a brief amount of time is a testament to the skills of Stanley Kubrick and Lee Ermey’s performance.  As we move to Vietnam, a problem begins to occur with our marathon.  For some reason our viewing iPad is not charging and it forces us to take 5-10 minute breaks after watching around 15 minutes of pure Vietnamese horror.  This takes away a bit of the tension, but the technology is not the sole culprit in this.  The film drags a bit until the end piece surrounding the mysterious sniper.  Watching the greatest force in the world get picked off one by one equals the psychology intensity of the basic training scenes, despite the fact that I had seen this sniper piece before.  The film ends with a chanting of the Mickey Mouse theme song and we agree that this was the best film so far.  What a stone cold classic.

9/16/14 – 1:15 AM - 4:30 AM – The Sting

It’s getting late so I make a food and Red Bull run before we decide on our next film.  I return to that controversial top 250 list and after much arguing we agree on The Sting with Paul Newman and Robert Redford.  As with Full Metal Jacket before, the Ipad shuts off every 15 minutes leaving us hanging in the middle of an important grift or an essential flim flam.  This has the opposite effect as before and ratchets up the tension as each intricate con move becomes more fascinating.  The wait between scenes is unbearable as I take up the annoying habit of pacing the rooms while waiting for the device to charge.  The Sting has so many things elements I enjoying viewing in a film: elaborate cons within schemes within cons within schemes, high stakes poker games, grifting teams that work well together, and Paul Newman.  The movie is truly a masterpiece and it starts a debate about which profession we would be best at if we were limited to the professions shown in our movie marathon.  I contend that my friend would be a great con man but a lousy cop.  My buddy counters by saying I’d be a great cop but an awful con artist.  Again we’re both right, but I’m more right.  I’m getting sort of tired but we had already made a deal during this great film to watch another Paul Newman gem so it’s my duty as an American to stay up.

9/16/14 -    4:30 – 7:00 – Slap Shot

We let the iPad charge for a half an hour as I pace around the place chatting to another buddy diligently working in the wee hours of the night.   The loading has finished and we begin watching the greatest hockey movie of all time, with doesn’t sound like much of compliment, but I mean it as one.  The highlights are that disco score, Paul Newman, and the Hanson Brothers as every scene with those goons just kills.  The line “I’m listening to the fucking song” is still the best.  Paul Newman plays a delightful asshole whose goon tactics I will never tire of.  I’m passing out halfway but figure it’s okay because I’ve seen this film twice before.  Regardless, the movie’s a classic and deserves to be treated as one.  After the film ends/or I shut off the iPad, I leave for the train back to Manhattan with these definitive rankings:

Full Metal Jacket

The Sting

Lethal Weapon 2

Lethal Weapon

Slap Shot

Each is fine film and a worth component to any good late night marathon.  I wish you well in your own marathoning and advise you not to use the IMDb top 250.  That list is a joke. 

This Is Our Youth: Review and Neurotic Reflections

It’s still a strange experience for me to watch plays or pieces of art and to recognize the characters as people I know or for the situations presented to be instantly relatable to.  I guess that’s a side effect of getting older in that now any movie, show, or book featuring characters up to their mid-twenties will hold some sort of familiarity for me.  Last night I saw “This Is Our Youth” on Broadway with an excellent three person cast of Michael Cera, Keiran Culkin, and Tavi Gevinson and I would highly recommend it.  The play itself is quite funny in the way it deals with aimless rich kids, but the acting takes it to a whole other level.  I wanted to see the play for Michael Cera (for who I am a fan of), and he does not disappoint.  Who knew that Michael Cera could play a nervous, awkward character?  Shocking, I know, but Cera adds so much to the awkwardness and restlessness of Warren than just uncomfortable silences and strange phrasing.  He’s constantly fidgeting, pulling down his shirt, or frantically looking ahead to whatever lies next which prevents the character from falling into the unfair grouping of the Michael Cera character.  Kerian Culkin does a great job playing Dennis whose alpha male/dominant act begins to finally crack by the end of the play.  We’ve all been in friendships with charmers like Dennis and Culkin does a great job is playing a charismatic asshole.  I had no idea who Tavi Gevinson was to start the play and I’m glad because I just took her for a young actress who portrays her character of Jessica as insecurity wrapped in a thin cloak of mild hostility mixed with great speeches (her discussions with Warren towards the end of the first act amounted to my favorite part in the play).  After seeing the show and reading about how some people wanted her to fall flat on her face (why I still have no idea), I’m glad I went in empty without any preconceived notions and was just able to enjoy her as Jessica Goldman. 

Even though the play was written in 1982, and is set in that year, the show truly feels relevant and relatable.  I easily relate to the aimlessness and uncertainty of the characters, but I blame that on having the soul of a slacker.  My generation, when not getting stereotyped as being a bunch of technology driven narcissists, is usually stereotyped as kids that are always trying to change the world and do something (mainly in app form) with the maximum amount of sincerity possible.  It seems to be that every time a new product comes out, the tagline is about how it’s going to connect people together in another way we had never dreamed about!  I, for one, can’t stand all this new sincerity stuff and the whole earnest movement that’s been engulfing our culture (ex: any Buzzfeed/Upworthy article title) and crave irony layered in even more irony.  The kids in “This Is Our Youth” are always posturing with each other until sincerity is forced to slip out.  Watching the show made me realize how much I appreciate that kind of exchange a lot more than watching incredibly linear people veer off into their linear lives.  The characters of the play are not great people (I mainly mean Dennis), but something in their aimlessness and posturing rings true to me.  This was something where I could interchange people I know into the play’s world and very little in the proceedings would change. 

In short, I know these people and hang out with people similar to aspects of them.  The stories being shown today are being shifted towards me and it’s just another friendly reminder that I’m getting older and should be finding a job and be doing adult stuff.  But to me that manic uncertain energy portrayed in “This Is Our Youth” is something I always want to have (I’m not so keen on the stealing and excessive drug use.  If it was a little bit of stealing with some mild drug use, well then sign me up) and something I feel people around me are beginning to lose and not care about.  There’s something special about drifting in and out and aimlessness that people miss due to wanting to create the next way people can share their lives with others.  Oh well I guess, more manic energy for me than.       

A Formal Apology

I start off this blog with an apology as I have broken a promise.  Now I’ve broken many a promise in the past and I blame that on my relative lack of will power and desire to uphold standards I set to better myself as a human being.   It’s my problem and I promise to deal with it (I won’t).  But this time is different.  I have broken a promise with you the reader and that has annoyed me to the point of issuing a formal apology.  A few months or a long, long time ago when this blog arose from the dead like a snarky Lazarus, I wrote that I would heed a strict schedule of postings on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays.  Recently, I haven’t been able to keep up with this steady flow and I have no good reason or excuse to back up the missed postings.  I took half of August off because I was on a delightful Bahamian cruise and also to watch as much of the Simpson’s Marathon as physically possible.  But once September rolled along my blogging became erratic and strained and I fell deep into the dank hole that is writer’s block.  Perhaps the Simpson’s marathon had dulled my brain I pondered in many a deep dark hours, but nay it was not that.  It really wasn’t anything other than my inherent slackerdom fighting against my go get ‘em millennial attitude.

Even though I am categorized as being part of the millennial generation, I share the so called slackerism that was thrust on generation x by the baby boomers (everybody’s least favorite generation).  It resides deep inside me and swims to the surface destroying any of that new sincerity bullshit that millennials get attached to.  My slacker rose to the surface and nearly destroyed my consistent bloggings and ramblings with some thought.  This isn’t to say that I don’t appreciate my inner slacker, but in terms of writing this blog, he must be vanquished.  I’ll save him for work and other useless things, but not for this blog.  I’ll throw every weapon I have at him whether it is fire, a silver bullet, sunlight, or the overwritten Salon/Slate think piece (that one will be used as a last resort if only because it may end up taking us both down). 

So, I’d like to extend my heartfelt apology for slacking with the blogs and I hope it doesn’t happen for a while.  The slacker in me is strong, but like all lethargic urges, he can be defeated or quelled for a bit.  I hope you accept my apology and I’ll see you back here on Sunday.  If you don’t accept my apology, I’ll see you back here on Tuesday.  Sometimes these things can take time and I fully understand that.  

Derek Jeter Day

Derek Jeter day was a bittersweet day for me and not just because the New York Yankees continued their season long trend of losing big important games.  While it was nice to see the captain get the celebrity sendoff he deserved (Michael Jordan was there!  How cool is that?), the day also served as another crushing blow to my mortality and one of the final nails in the coffin that is my childhood.  Derek Jeter is the last link to the dynasty years of the late nineties and early thousands where everything just seemed to go the Yankees way.  Growing up he was never my favorite player, but rather a guy that was another cog in the puzzle who also happened to be very good with the ladies.  Over the years, the Yankees organization turned over with new expensive free agents replacing old expensive free agents leaving only Posada, Rivera, and Jeter as the links to the glory years (Pettitte left or those three years in the desert).  While I enjoyed the other two (I mean I enjoyed Posada, but revered Rivera like the pitching god he was and shed numerous tears while watching his last game at Yankee Stadium ), Derek Jeter became the player I rooted for the most.  I had fully bought into the Jeter narrative and I could and still care less about any flaw that St Jeter showed.  The man would come up in any big situation and simply make it his own.  Everyone plays the same worthy highlights but I like to remember the lesser known great Jeter moments like how he hit a 2 out go ahead 3 run home run to beat the Kansas City Royals in the 2006 home opener to start off a fantastic should have been MVP year (after new Yankee Johnny Damon struck out).  Jeter is the last player from my childhood rooting years and as corny as it is to mention, we’ve both grown up together (I believe Jeter mentioned something like this in his speech today).  I doubt I will ever see another player like Jeter, who I would consider my generation’s Mickey Mantle in terms of reverence.  Fittingly like Mantle, Jeter will go out on a mediocre team that is a shell of the great teams he used to lead, but for now I’m okay with that.  As long as Robinson Cano and the Mariners miss the postseason, I’ll be fine with watching the Viking funeral that is Derek Jeter’s last few weeks in the sport he’s played oh so well.  It’s strange to think that the next time we see Derek Jeter pick up a bat it’ll be at an old timer’s game joking around with old teammates and other former Yankees.  It’ll be even stranger to see him become the name they call out last like Whitey Ford and Yogi Berra, but that day will come as well.  I’m just glad I got to see the Captain play day in and day out as he’s provided me with many great moments as well as a few not so great moments (mainly the double plays).  So here’s to Derek Jeter, the only player that can make me sincerely utter that old stupid phrase “he was a true Yankee”.  We’ll miss you Jeter.

Those Nasty Interwebs

Has the internet made us nastier as a collective people or has it just amplified and given an easier outlet for the hatred that already lied inside us?  There are both plenty of good points to be made for each side of this philosophical argument and fortunately none of these points will be featured in this piece.

It is not making us nastier:

It’s not like human beings lived in an idyllic paradise before the dawning of the internet comment board.  Think about all the terrible events in human history that occurred pre-internet and imagine if the unwashed masses had access to a comment section.  If you think internet discourse is bad now, I shudder to think at the comments that would have accompanied an article explaining how it’s about time woman got the right to vote.  It would be hard to tell which would be worse to read, the posts of misogynists uttering disgusting vitriol or the constant one-upping between people on the same side.  I would also bet that there would be many a conspiracy websites and shitty truther youtube videos discussing how Abolitionists are giving slavery a bad rap in this country and are secretly aligned with the freemasons in a plot to form a new world order that would enslave all those noble sons and daughters of the south.  Technology simply makes it easier for us to indulge in the old ritual of being terrible, terrible humans.     

It is making us nastier:

Rape and death threats have become the go to and usually only way people respond to opinions that they disagree with online.  I don’t know much about the Anita Sarkeesian controversy to really address it, but I do know that she does not deserve to get death and rape threats for putting out videos about misogyny in video games.  Instead of sending out horrific death and rape threats and thusly proving her point about misogyny, why not watch her videos and if you disagree with her points make a counter video or write a blog/article about why you don’t agree with her arguments (of course these articles should be written using legitimate points and be done respectfully and should not resort to using misogynistic ranting and ravings).  Back in the olden days this was called “debating” and it was quite popular I understand.  Let’s bring back this ancient form of discourse because the only useful thing about sending death and rape threats is that it helps notify the proper authorities about who needs psychological help and possible prison time.

Those are my two points on internet civility and discourse.  I would like to hear your comments on my simplistic points and whether you believe the internet has made us a nastier bunch.  If you would like to say my writings suck I’ll welcome that as well.  It’s just nice to get a comment that isn’t me in posting from an unknown account (teardrop).  

The Simpson's Marathon

Now that The Simpson’s Marathon has ended, I can go back to my old life of not watching an endless stream of the greatest show to ever grace our television sets.  So there’s that I suppose.  Below I have written down my favorite episode from each season with no explanation given.  You’ll just have to figure out why based on your wits, your guile, and the various clues I’ve hidden in each of my blog posts (oh they’re there, you just haven’t been paying as close attention as you should have been) along with some quick thoughts on the marathon.

Season 1: “Krusty Gets Busted”

Season 2: “Lisa’s Substitute”

Season 3: “Homer at the Bat”

Season 4: “Marge v. The Monorail”

Season 5: “Cape Feare”

Season 6: “Sideshow Bob Roberts”

Season 7: “A Fish Called Selma”

Season 8: “Homer’s Enemy”

Season 9: “The Joy of Sect”

Season 10: “Mayored to the Mob”

Season 11: “Behind the Laughter”

Season 12: “Trilogy of Error”

 Season 13: “A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love”

Season 14: “How I Spent My Strummer Vacation”

Season 15: “The Regina Monologues”

Season 16: “There’s Something About Marrying “

Season 17: “The Seemingly Never-Ending Story”

Season 18: “You Kent Always Say What You Want”

Season 19: “Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind”

Season 20: “Gone Maggie Gone”

Season 21: “To Surveil with Love”

Season 22: “MoneyBart”

Season 23: “Holidays of Future Passed”

Season 24: “The Day the Earth Stood Cool”

Season 25: “Brick Like Me”

Thoughts:

I saw 152 episodes over the marathon equaling 27.5% of the entire show.  I am pathetic.  Well, there’s always next marathon.

Posts about how The Simpsons haven’t been good since ____ are incredibly annoying and usually written by people who have seen no more than five episodes past season 8.  Sure the quality dipped after season 8, but the show still has had plenty of classics and good episodes after.  Yes, The Simpsons will never be as good as it once was but no show can ever top the highs that were season 3-8.  We’re all just going to have to accept it and enjoy the show for what it is.  I am always excited for Sunday night for hope that I will be pleasantly surprised by a delightful new episode.   I will never turn my back on my favorite show.  Never!

When I left my house during the classic episodes of the marathon, all I could think about was getting back home to watch more of the marathon.  While walking outside the only thing I could think about was various Simpson’s quotes and I ended up laughing around town like an idiot while staring at the strangers outside and wondering how they could be missing season four of the Simpsons.  The only answer I could think of was that, like me, they needed to refresh their eyes for an hour to prepare for another six hours of binge watching.  Any other reason for being outside just seemed petty and foolish.  I was having fun at a party but I still couldn’t escape the feeling that I would rather be inside watching “Bart’s Girlfriend”.  My brother’s updates on the marathon didn’t help either and forced me to lie and race home.  In short, the marathon killed my social life, but I’m not complaining.

Following the show runners and writers on twitter during their relevant episodes and seasons was fascinating, entertaining, and so very enlightening.  For many stretches it seemed like they were having a better time during the marathon than the fans and we were better for it.  It was the next best thing to hearing their commentary on a DVD boxset.

I saw so many commercials for The League that I no longer feel the need to check it out.  Thanks FXX!

And finally of course: