Halloween Fun

For most people Halloween is the most exciting holiday there is behind Christmas and their birthday.  For other people Halloween is the most exciting holiday behind Hanukkah and also their birthday.  Either way people like to dress up and get free candy before buckling down and harvesting for the coming winter.  I for one love All Hallows’ Eve and have recently grown to enjoy its offshoot of Halloween.  So as it is custom for every major holiday, I have made a few bullet points to help you make the most out of your October 31^st.  So enjoy my list and have a razorblade free Halloween!

1)      You must watch at least 10 Treehouse of Horror segments from The Simpsons and that list must include “The Shinning” (no excuses) in the week preceding Halloween.  Anything less and you will commit the heinous crime of not understanding half the things I will be referencing during this festive time.

2)      Decorate your house for Halloween the traditional department store way by setting up your Christmas display if you haven’t already.  I mean for goodness sakes Christmas is only two months away!  You should have started your preparation a month ago.

3)      If you are looking to get your costume posted all over social media and the news may I suggest using blackface or perhaps the ever popular Native American headdress.  You’ll be the belle of the twitterverse before being disqualified for every future job you wish to have. 

4)      Going to a bar and not talking to anybody other than your lame friends becomes instantly better when you’re doing it in a costume that will only be culturally relevant for another three months.     

5)      Wear a costume that only ten people on the planet will get and then lament the fact that nobody knows who you are dressed as even when you do explain it.  What a bunch of simpletons.

6)      There are so many girls in the sexy cat costume prowling around on Halloween.  Instead of dressing up like the oldest sexy costume in the book put my spin on it.  Dress in a full body cat suit and then add some lingerie to the ensemble to become “cat sexy”.  At the very least you’ll be the life of the furry crowd.

7)      Partake in an old Halloween tradition by discriminating against the Irish.

8)      Do not worry about your child eating a razor blade this Halloween as it will be the only thing they eat that will not cause/ worsen their diabetes.

9)      I’ve actually seen Christians going around preaching about the evils of Halloween and how it is a sinful and pagan holiday which again furthers the point that religious people aren’t very much fun.

10)     If you’re on the fence about it I say go all out and wear your Ebola related costume because that is actually scary and fits perfectly into the theme of the holiday.  I mean when was the last time you’ve seen a purely evil and vicious vampire on screen?  They’ve made the transition from pure evil to anti-hero and are creepy towards misunderstood bad guy.  In short, if you want to go scary, go Ebola. 

So we’ve hit ten which by list law means I must stop.  So get out there and have a great Halloween!