Oh the Dread!

Oh existential dread why do you gnaw at me now?  Why have you decided to use this particular moment in this particular time in this particular world to invade my consciousness?  Why has my chest caved in and my sight grown strained? Oh I look up to thee and scream why in a rather silent but longing look.  Is it because I saw the new Planet of the Apes movie and saw what I deemed to be a pretty realistic view of what would go down if the apes on this planet took the next step?  Well while I did in fact see the film (and highly recommend it); it isn’t that work of engrossing fiction that has caused my body and mind to go into a state of rapid freeze.  Oh the pain, the pain of it all!  What is the cause of such dread, such feelings of feelings?  I venture to think it is the new anthem for Brooklyn written by a longtime resident of Virginia Beach which trades off more clichés of Brooklyn than you can shake an L train at.  But no, that only fills me with a mix of both Manhattan pride and sorrow for the proud borough to the east.  May you cast off your shackles and ride again proud borough. 

What is it then?  What is it that causes the woe that enjoys staying in the background to suddenly pounce and shorten my breath?  Could it be the realization of a project that has long seemed in flux and used by me to scare off the job vultures?  I won’t say it is, but then again it probably is.  What happens when something starts to pull together rapidly and forces you to finally get into game shape?  For most people I assume they hit the challenge running rather than observe the various body parts starting to go numb as the anticipation creeps forward until the moment has arrived.  Oh the inevitable passage of time, take me to the moment so my fears can be realized and I step face first into the process.  The process is beginning in earnest and I guess I must be ready.  Yes, yes that is the spirit and encouragement I need.  I guess I must be ready or I mess up for everybody.  Nothing like self-motivation to get the old confidence ball up and rolling.  Oh the gnawing, oh the emptiness of it all!  When will it cease (for at least a brief moment) and let me live in my world of contentment that I attempt to fight.  The gnawing is good for that reason I suppose.  A great gnawing of existential dread keeps the contentment away and this is no time for contentment.  Not yet at least.  Moments like these are for moving up and keeping with my goal of continual peeking.  Time to embrace the moment and don’t look back as a famous movie proclaimed.  Might as well…