Robinson Cano and Andrea Bargnani

Yankees

Well that’s a weird feeling.   I now know why all these other teams hate the Yankees.  We drafted young Robbie and trained him into the baseball player he is today.  We watched him break out of the gate as a quasi-savior in 2005 and become a great cog in the puzzle from 2006-2007.  We saw his struggles in 2008 and the rebirth and renewal that came with the 2009 championship team.  From 2010 to 2013 he blossomed into the best player on the team.  He was amazing.  We thought we had dibs on him and his future, but we lost to the candidate with the most money.  We lost to the Mariners.  Seriously.  I finally know that awful feeling that every team’s fan base has had to realize as a grim reality of the game.  Any homegrown player will eventual take the big payday and sign with the Yankees.  They may be rich or poor, they may be blind or lame, maybe living in another country, under another name, but they’ll eventually sign with the Yankees (lines adapted from the Bob Dylan song “Gotta Serve Somebody”).  The Yankees have been dumped for the new, rich kid on the block (again, really, the Mariners.  Does he want to set up a Nirvana tribute band? C’mon!).  Like any jilted lover it’s time to get back at the ole ex by fucking their best friend or sibling or parent or a delectable combination of all three.  Time for another giant, overspending spree to commence!  Let’s go for real petty measures.  I say we overpay for every franchise’s best or fan favorite players and give them all number 24.  We’ve done it twice this year with McCann and Ellsbury, who says we can’t do it again?  Buying every decent player on the market will help ease the pain, but that dumped feeling is going to linger on (like pale blue eyes).  No more of that vivacious smile.  The effortless swing is now gone up north.  Making a difficult play with relative ease: sent to the Emerald City.  My only consolation is that we won’t have to watch him jog into first again.  Enjoy that one Seattle.  The hatred felt against my beloved Yankees is starting to make sense.  I nearly called Cano a traitor, but then I remembered that loving feeling when we stole Ellsbury from those cavemen from Boston (fuck them).  You can’t predict baseball, Susan.  We can always buy him back in a few years when the Mariners are dumping salaries for draft picks.  Go Yankees!

Knicks

Man, if we lost to the Nets last night.  God forbid I would have retreated into a world of darkness hoping that a hero like the Dayman would have saved me.  Who would have thunk it that Andrea Bargnani would have won a trash talking fight with KG.  His name is Andrea and that’s not even the softest thing about him.  Kevin Garnett is a legend with the verbal assault.  The man called Charlie Villanueva a cancer patient.  That’s got to be in the top ten of coldest, most hilariously disgusting on court remarks.  Plus, that’s not even his best one (Lala Vasquez and the cheerios, Tim Duncan and mother’s day) and he let Andrea “7 foot tall and can’t grab more than 4 rebounds a game” Bargnani punk his ass on the court.  Bargnani’s go to look during a game is perpetually confusion and here he is matching up and beating one of the best at his own game.  Easily, the highlight of an early, awful season.  Bring that energy into next game and let’s get on a bit of a roll.  Go Knicks.