Cover Letter for the Truman Show Job - 15 years too late

I was watching that movie the Truman Show again, and I decided to write a cover letter detailing how I would respond to a job ad to join the cast for a minor or possibly recurring role.  Here it is fifteen years too late.

Dear Mr. Christof,

Hello, my name is Jason Thompson and I am applying for the position of office worker in the cubicle diagonal to Mr. Truman Burbank.  I would very much like to join in on your perfect television show/ social experiment and I feel like I have the tools to expertly add some color to Truman’s work place experience. 

I have the perfect method acting skills and would never break character.  An example of my commitment to the method can be seen in my Halloween costume from last year, in which I dressed up like Ajax from the film, The Warriors.  I never strayed from my character even through a few misunderstandings with some local gang members.  They did eventually send me to the emergency room after I repeatedly called them “faggots” and “pussies” in the character of Ajax.  It’s a shame they didn’t get what I was doing.  I have enclosed the medical bills to prove my story and to showcase my dedication to the craft (and yes, I did suffer a punctured lung from the incident).  I have bled for an excellent Halloween costume and I will bleed for you.  Ask me at will and I will stab myself in the leg with the sharpest item available.  That is a promise.

In the role of office worker in the cubicle diagonal to Mr. Truman Burbank, I would bring the invaluable resource of interoffice gossip.  I have several threads planned such as, Karen gave Craig a blowjob in the copy room last week, the boss has been sexually assaulting me and putting me through unbearable psychological torment and I feel as if I am losing control of my own humanity and soul, and Phil looks tired seems like he’s been sleeping on the couch lately; what a loser.  I would also accidentally spill my coffee on Truman every so often, and would implore him to do most of my work for me.  I would give him a workplace nemesis and a constant annoyance.  I may also leave bloody messages on his desk or puncture his tires.  I haven’t decided on which one yet.

I would also like to respond to the part in your job ad about creating a new character.  I would like to create the character of Jeffrey Williamson, the neighborhood peeping Tom.  I would go around leering into women or men’s windows from strategically placed trees and watch them slowly undress.  I feel that your town is missing a creep and I would love to fill that essential small town role.  You could have a whole story where I get to peep at a minimum of twenty five people and then have Truman confront and fight me for what I’ve been doing.  Or maybe he can join me in the fun and we can peep together!  This would add a new dimension to his character and turn him into a bit of a creep.  It’s just a suggestion as I am not attached to the hip with this idea.  I’m just saying it would be fun and interesting and different.  But mostly it’d be very fun.

Being able to join this unique experiment is something I would love to do.  Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to learning more about this opportunity.

Respectfully yours,

Jason Thompson