Tales of Incredible Annoyance

Tales of Incredible Annoyance

1)       The Burger King French Fry Burger- In a move that resembles the KFC Famous Bowl (thanks to Patton Oswalt it also known as the more accurate “KFC Sadness Bowl”), Burger King has decided to create a hamburger with French fries in it.  That is correct sir; you can buy a hamburger with three French fries squeezed between the patty, the things over the patty (I want to say a soylent green like product), and the bun.  It is a creation of equal parts laziness and contempt for their eating public.  Hamburgers with French fries?  Have those two ever been put together?  Simply genius.  Even their ad entails the stupidity of their new food by having a five year old girl pout about how Burger King stole the idea from right under her.  So we’ve now progressed to the next stage of advertising: blatantly telling the public that our ideas are stolen from five year old children.  There’s another child predator to watch out for and this time it’s market researchers.  The untold part of this new sandwich is the fact that Burger King fries suck.  If it was McDonalds’ fries this column would have never been written.  In fact, it would be under a new article called “Reasons to Throw a Parade”.    Pretend to be surprised when Subway begins to sell their subs with Doritos on them to compete with this genius of an idea.   

2)      When newscasters try to relate to their audience – Nothing screams more uncomfortable and unnatural when local newscasters try to relate to the mortal public they have long left for dead after having achieved the immortality that surrounds becoming a local television personality.  Watching newscasters struggle to kill the last 2 minutes of a broadcast by vaguely remembering what it was like to ride the subway with the damned is a truly horrific way to close out a newscast.  We get it, you used to be like us, but then you took the red pill and now see our pathetic world for what it is.  Stick to telling us about how everything in our house will kill us rather than attempting to regal us with tales from the land of the un-famous.

3)      Somebody asked me if Woody Allen directed A Clockwork Orange – How does one make that jump?  Those two genius entities could not be further apart.  It simply boggles the mind. 

Tale of Not Incredible Annoyance

1)      Roger from American Dad.  He is the best.