Deities and their Perceived Existence

Deities and their Perceived Existence

Proof that there is a God

1)      For one, the bible says so.  Can’t get more crystal clear than that.  Why would that book lie; what would they have to gain from manipulating people’s fears and feelings about the vast unknown entities of life and being.  Nothing, exactly.  There’s no profit in that field.  I’m little ashamed I had to spell this one out.

2)      The fact that Christopher Hitchens died prematurely.  It seemed like the vengeful and spiteful side came out of hibernation for a bit on that one.  Sometimes the almighty just has to prove he’s still got it.

3)      That Facebook story link about the atheist professor who messes up the chalk trick and it doesn’t break because he is in the presence of a believer and instead of laughing off his embarrassment, leaves the room crying, quits his job, jumps off a bridge, and then I assume spends his eternity having to teach creationism in Hell.  Again, why would so many people link to a story that smug and self-righteous if it wasn’t true?  People just don’t do that and they definitely don’t share links on Facebook that are annoying and preachy.

Proof that there is no God

1)      The course of human history with some incredibly minor exceptions.  Just pick out a year at random and read about it.  There will be at least three reasons that make you look up to the sky and drop to the ground in the Platoon pose screaming “why”.  To further the pain and anguish, you will not even get nominated for an Academy Award for that performance.  There is no God.

2)      The continued and prosperous existence of Richard Dawkins.  One would think the almighty would turn him into a block of salt, but he just continues to truck on and do his thing.  Good for him. 

3)      Having acne in your twenties.  I personally have never really had acne because I am one of the beautiful people (look at the profile picture on the right.  Pure, carnal beauty), but I imagine this one stings and turns a true believer into an atheist as fast as you can say Proactiv. You can’t really fault them for this one. Acne is something you have as a teenager that forces you to develop a personality to compensate for that hideous appearance.  Still having it in your twenties once you’ve suffered in high school?  It’s just not fair.  There is no god.

4)      That moment when you say “smite me down oh mighty smiter!” or “if I am wrong may you smite me where I stand” and nothing happens.   If that doesn't disprove God, it does prove that he is quite the lazy deity.

Proof that there aren’t any Roman Gods

1)       They didn’t do anything to stop Jesus and his ability to convert people to Christianity.  Zeus had lightning bolts.  Poseidon had a trident and control of the seas.  Athena was the wisest god of them all.  Why didn’t they use any of these skills to stop Jesus from usurping their reign of power?  I would tend to believe that someone as jealous a group as the Greek gods would have been tripping over each other to stop Jesus from converting their flock.  They could have at least put up some flyers or ransacked his house.  At least write a cease and desist letter. 

Proof that God is a Mormon

1)      Even if God didn’t start out a Mormon, he was probably baptized against his will when he wasn’t looking as these guys tend to do.   

2)      “Book of Mormon” is an amazing musical.  He knows what he’s doing on the great white way.

Proof that I am not a God

1)      I have an inhaler.  Gods do not have asthma.  

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